You have to know stuff, you can’t just go there! Saying “hi” is a red flag, bad seed, you will be ghosted.
I was taught to treat others the way I want to be treated, but this causes friction when I want to be harassed and catcalled the way cartoon construction workers harass and catcall women, but women don’t like that at all. 😩
heeey bby, is that a baseball bat in your trousers or are you happy to - oh shit! - it’s a baseball bat, run! run like the dickens!
Hey! I bet you’re a really cool person!
Am I doing this right?
Too real
As a cishet man who isn’t passionate about hyping himself up and gets burnt out socially easily…
No one on dating apps is worth the effort required to overcome the illusion of comparison. We don’t know you and we’re not going become infatuated over what you can put in a profile. At most our interest will be piqued, but we know we have to compete with HUNDREDS of other dudes and …ehhhhh.
To put it another way if I was at a party and there was a beautiful girl surrounded by 10 to 20 dudes I wouldn’t even bother and instead try to have fun and talk to people I found interesting. But with dating apps pretty much every girl is always surrounded by guys like that trying too hard and the same guys are surrounding as many girls as possible since online they are not limited by the physics of space online.
The most lesbian thing I have seen today.
As a straight dude, I know lots of straight dudes that are represented in this picture.
We all have our little problems. ❤️
me_irl
The fundamental issue here is that they call this dating when it’s something else entirely. They should have made a new name for it when it became like sifting through resumes.
like sifting through resumes.
Then we need to call it what it is: This exchange is an HR screen.
courting phase
I don’t think anyone calls this dating? It’s the filter to figure out if you want to date
Dating apps
Online dating
But I agree that it’s more of a way to meet people to date, not actual dating
…she even…she even opened
Only used one word sentences though.
It is bumble. She has to start.
They changed that. Now no one texts ever.
It is from 2023. I don’t know when they changed what. But the last time I used it, women had to start the conversation but they could set a question to ask automatically, skipping the first message
Bumble was like “what a cool idea, I wonder why no one has done this before” and then they found out why
Tbf she made zero effort to converse with OOP either
This is the bumble experience lol. The man still has to do the real first message because the woman’s first message is going to be “hey” 99% of the time.
As a man I also sent just hi to everyone. Reasoning behind that was that if there is any interest, they would reply with something. Like a ping. When we’d get to know better I could be more personal. Found a great partner this way, we’ve been together for 5 years now.
I had a formula: “Hi!”, my real first name, a brief mention and open-ended question about something I found interesting on their profile, then closing with something like “Online dating can be a lot. I’d love to hear from you, but only when you’re ready. No pressure. I hope you have a great day.”
So about four sentences. It took me like two minutes. I got about 1 response in 10 instead of over 1:30 that way, at least from women. Success!
I then proceeded to have all of the worst dates I’ve ever been on. One person showed up on shrooms, a woman interrogated me about marriage and children within ten minutes of meeting, another seemed to be fabricating their entire life story on the spot… and more! There were good dates too, but soooo much bad.
hey, shrooms dates can be a way to get to know someone real quick, good or bad
I agree, you just should tell people first! Unsolicited story time:
We had been dating for a few weeks. She was smart, nice, and very fun. I really liked her and had decided to consider getting serious. I thought she had ghosted me for our dinner date, though, so I had left and was feeling sad. She called over an hour later to apologize profusely and beg me to come back, saying she’d explain and buy everything that night as apology.
What she didn’t mention was that she was going to alternate between incoherent rambling and staring, silent and unresponsive, into one corner of the cafe’s ceiling. I had no idea what was going on. I got ahold of her roommate, who said she had eaten a bunch of shrooms and walked to her friend’s house. I left after he arrived and I learned he was her roommate… and her boyfriend. Fun.
I went full no contact. Years later, we worked together briefly in graduate school, where she pretended not to know me despite having already told our lab mates we used to be friends. Super awkward, maybe mental problems.
tyyy
cool hair
Perfect match!
That guy is a keeper! Lock him down and he’ll be loyal for life! He doesn’t even know how to talk to other women!!
Makes family dinners with his own mom really awkward though.
To whoever said that (or anyone who DON’T talk to people when trying to date): have you tried improv? Improv comedy would help you talk to people better, and would probably give you the confidence and courage
I’ve played dungeons and dragons a lot. Does that count?
I put on my wizards hat
Edit: God, I realized that the joke I referenced is so old and niche by now in internet culture I have to provide a link: https://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja
Roll a charisma check.
Might have to be a saving throw actually
There is a new bash.org here:
Hey, they’re recycling the classics!
If it’s any consolation many of us are old fogeys (from an internet perspective), and likely understood it immediately. I know I did!
Certainly, but it works better when you are the DM rather than a player.
deleted by creator
So if a person struggles with confidence your solution is for them to stand up on stage? There seems to be an important first step that seems to have been skipped.
You’ve gotta take the first step yourself, no one can do that for you.
Or don’t. Be a shutin. Fear the mailman. Die a virgin. I’m not your boss.
The first steps are the part they have difficulty with.
It is like asking help with addition and subtraction, and giving info on how to do matrices and arithmetic.
Improv doesn’t have to be on a stage.
To practice improv is just to practice social skills. And, I don’t know how else to say this, a lack of social skill is the fundamental root problem here. Anyone who lacks confidence in this way is going to have to learn them one way or another.
A real first step might be learning to be brave and charging through one’s anxiety to get to the improv center, but they have to go. Whether it’s improv or something else, they have to go.
You find a class or a club, not an open mic.
I suggest reading the link about improv
Had a couple of lady friends who went on vacation to Europe - Spain and France, specifically - and had totally different experiences on the dating apps. Men were open and friendly, knew how to hold up a conversation (in non-native languages!), showed politeness, responded quickly, made first contact easy and low-anxiety, looked good, smelled nice, knew how to dance, charmed the panties right off them both, and then kept in contact afterwards. Like, even after they flew back home, these guys were still saying “Hey, what’s up, here’s something cool happening in my neighborhood can’t wait to see you again”.
Just a radically different experience than the American dating scene. One friend straight up swore off American men entirely. She’s booking a flight back to France for a three month go - working remote, learning the language, the whole thing - because of how blown away by the healthier and happier social conditions over there.
Yeah but that’s not dating that’s a hookup. Completely different ball game. Much easier to maintain a facade for a couple of days when both parties know that there is no potential for relationship.
Actual dating requires you to maintain for the long haul.
Imagine making a radical life change based on a dating app hookup
The apps reflect the underlying culture and social order. They weren’t the only reason. Go spend a week in the south of France after spending half your life in Galveston and you’ll understand.
Imagine making a radical life change based on a week-long vacation
More, spending a month abroad looking for a better place and striking gold.
So you recognize that the situation you described is an exceptional case, and not one to recommend making radical life changes over?
Really depends on your circumstances. There’s nothing radical about changing careers or finding a nicer place to live when you’ve hit a glass ceiling. Humans have been doing that for tens of thousands of years. It’s why we’re not all living in the Fertile Crescent.
Hol up, I thought we were talking about moving to a whole ass new continent for some really good foreign dick, not because of hitting a glass ceiling lmao
Once you go France
others don’t stand a chanceWell, obviously. Although if you’re from the US, that’s true for most of Europe.
Tourist hunters. They know the game. They aren’t the norm.
Tourist hunters are different. They know France is, for some reason, the first worldwide destination and flock here to steal your wallets. They’ll be on the steps to the Sacré Cœur to tie a bit of string around your wrist while a comparse grabs your wallet, your keys, your underwear and your toupee.
It’s a two way street. Some people need to go to some completely different place to relax enough, and some other people bet on tourists being relaxed enough.
I even remember that kind of effect from school, during school time I would always get into fights with kids that I was happily hanging around with in the holidays.
Prepare for a changed experience. europe is hating the USA and US americans more and more every day. I get the ick when i hear americans on the street. Gtfo and kill trump.
This is bad and you should actively attack these feelings. The majority of us despise this guy.
The majority of you didn’t prevent this guy from leading your country, so sorry if we aren’t impressed.
Unfortunately the way the US “democracy” works he didn’t need a majority, and still doesn’t have one.
Lowest approval rating of all time.
The apps are literally designed to keep you single
Worked just fine for me.
Feel free to ask for advice or whatever.
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
The Algorithm used to match people isn’t designed to encourage healthy and normal conversations. It’s designed to encourage people to spend more time on the apps (and, eventually, more money).
While yes, that is the case, I cannot help but feel it’s not the app’s fault this time
I used to think this. Then I went on some dates, I made connections, etc.
But only once I started paying. The apps are built to maximize profit.
Hinge > Boo > Tinder > Bumble.
Most apps are owned by like 2 companies really
Yeah and they all suck as a result.
I keep meaning to have a proper look into it and see if there are any actual dating site / apps that are independent. It’s a massive pain because usually you can’t really tell if an app is going to be any good or if it’s just another clone until after you’ve already signed up. It’s quite the time investment.
Yea most of them suck
I tried Lovetastic and liked the fact that they don’t use pictures and it’s mostly based on text
They don’t seem to have advanced algorithms that are here to fuck you
But hey, I met my SO on a relatively niche but non ethical dating app. It was filed with ads and badly optimized but I figured out the algorithm wouldn’t be all ELO type of shit, and it worked after some time
This is exactly how it works - I became single after 13 years and so had no previous experience with dating apps, so I decided to go all in and get one month’s subscription to Hinge, Bumble and Grindr. Before the end of the month I was concurrently dating five people (four women and one man) as a bi man in his thirties. Shit was pretty cash.
A lot of people asked me why I was so successful and I told them it’s because I paid for the subscriptions. For what ended up amounting to around $100AUD I got to date a bunch of people, had some great dates and great sex, and one of those five people is now my long term partner with whom I’m living. She was one of the ‘top recommended’ people on Hinge and the algorithm really got it right!
YMMV but paying for the apps actually provides quite a good service.
The issue here, beside being a sample of one is that you immediately paid so other factors could be in play.
I think people’s biggest fear with paying for the apps is that they’ll end up in a situation where they are just throwing good money after bad and not getting anything for it. Then you get into the sunk cost fallacy and it’s really difficult to get yourself out of that headspace.
The problem is the apps say that they have recommendations that you only have to pay to unlock but I don’t believe them.
Ok well, I haven’t had that kind of success. But success none the less.
She clearly doesn’t know how to talk to men either.
If all you text is “hey” to a woman as a first message, you can be sure 99.9% percent of them won’t even respond.
At least he tried and gave her a compliment.
YoU hAvE tO rEaD bEtWeEn tHe LiNeS Or sOmE sHiT - her probably
It’s literally a first contact. These apps are exhausting and texting requires effort from both parties.
It’s sad things like this that make me think, it’s too bad church is all fucked up with religion. Because “Entire families, plus any single individuals, get washed and dressed up, then join under the stained-glass windows to sit and stand and sing and go through the motions, while all the eligible sweeties pretend they’re not checking out all the other eligible sweeties, and have a whole hour to think of something to say to them over the coffee and cookies afterwards. Repeat weekly” is pretty much how a lot of people found partners for generations. Especially those whose families couldn’t afford ballrooms and country clubs.
you get coffee and cookies?
I was raised going to UCC churches, it was standard practice at all of them. Many also used King’s Hawaiian Bread for Communion.
And they’re one of the LGBTQ-friendliest denominations, although because they’re non-hierarchical the individual churches vary. You can see if there’s one near you.
I’d probably be open to the concept of a secular church. Not for dating, but just for platonic socialization and community.
I actually found one in my neighborhood! It is called “Unitarian Universalist”, it is for secular and religious, everybody is welcome, you just have to agree to love each other, etc.
i just don’t like how it keeps so many trappings of traditional protestant church services, i mean i know why to attract more people since that is the dominant cultural force but just doesn’t sit right with me to ruminate over the bible and pretend it is some enlightened tome of truth in a supposedly secular context
I think there are some Unitarian Universalist churches that are secular
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism?useskin=vector#Beliefs_and_practices
Unitarian Universalist churches exist, but things like parks or community centers where events are held are probably more what you’re looking for.
IME community centers are more like gyms and activity centers. But I suppose they could vary by region and by individual community center.
I’m probably being too generous with what I’m calling community center, I should edit it. As an example, in my head I was picturing a local park which my city has folks come and perform at and such. It’s just a stage in a park but there are events there.
There are of course things like hobby clubs you can join but you have to get lucky with those. There risk that you will just be distracted and end up with an expensive hobby.
so a college?
cries in engineering
There are no women, no natural light, and if you’re lucky, someone other than the prof has showered today.
I am exaggerating, but not by much (:
Do what I did. Take psych for your social sciences. There were like three women for every man. Do not regret.
No. College is: expensive, heavily skews young, has a lot of homework, has tests, and generally represents a significant time commitment.
Realistically, I should probably put more effort into finding a suitable recurring volunteer opportunity. Something that is based on personal values would presumably help with finding like-minded people while also engaging in an activity that is inherently meaningful to me.
Even funnier with the timestamps
9/11 of a conversation
