She’s a fascist and a nazi because she puts ideologies above human life.

Apart from that, if “useless” people truly didn’t have a purpose, then why did nature make them in the first place?

Apart from that, “value” is highly subjective. You can just define your own value and then live by that. Then you have “value”.

Apart from that, my experience with these people is that they’re ideologically inconsistent. They will follow the rules and think that the rules are a good thing universally, until these very same rules turn around to hurt them. Because they inevitably do. Suddenly, the rules are bullshit and should be abolished. It has happened to my mother. She was a die-hard nazi, saying things such as “useless eaters should be abolished” and “who doesn’t work, doesn’t deserve to eat” and stuff like that … She also said that “self-sacrifice for the employer is a good thing, because in the end you will be rewarded” or sth … she was laid off last year. It was beautiful to see how she slowly realized that hard work does not always pay off and that some employers are just assholes, and that it’s not always people’s own fault that they’re unemployed … she had a change of heart after that and is less adamant about her earlier ideology now. Sometimes, things still slip through, but she’s less aggressive overall.

That value is subjective, and that it sounds like her thinking of it as an objective metric makes her a horrible person.

Also, obligatory aside, seeing as this is the internet: I didn’t fuck your mom. Nor would I; She seems awful.

She’s right. For herself. She can value people however she wants. Nobody else has to value anyone the same way. The rebuttal is that you think anyone who feels that way should be chopped up into tiny parts from the legs up while they are still alive, each slice made by a red-hot butchers knife so it instantly cauterizes the wound and turns her into sliced roast pork.

There’s no point in debating with people whose belief system is so different from yours, you can either ignore them or kill them.

You mother had exactly one decision she got to make in regards to your life, and she already made it. She either needs to live with the consequences amd responsibilities of that decision, or learn to move on with her life.

It sounds harsh. But, if her love is based on how useful you are to her… Then that’s not family, that’s slavery.

Your mom’s a cunt.

value is subjective. start there. in an hour, you should be able to uncover either a latent Marxist, monarchist, or fascist.

Every time that philosophy has been implemented it has resulted in mass death and social collapse. Meanwhile when “useless” people are given tools and resources some of them wind up less useless.

Isaac Newton was probably autistic with bad enough social skills he was generally despised. Stephen Hawking had ALS. There are cultures who would have declared both of them useless and unfit for life. Hell Hellen Keller was an author and important political activist (cofounder of the ACLU) despite being deaf blind, because people gave her a chance and worked with her to learn a form of communication that worked for her.

Your mother is an ignorant person.

There have been some very helpful replies already so I’m just going to add this:

Imagine if your kids came to you and told you they were depressed (if you don’t have kids, imagine you do and you love them very much).

Then imagine that -of all the things you could possibly say to them- you chose to tell them what your mother told you.

How would you feel about yourself as a parent (or even as a human being) if you did that? Essentially calling your own children worthless for being sick?

It’s ok to feel that same way about your mother.

Don’t argue, she’s obviously toxic. Leave her life. The furthest away you can. People who think like that just abuse and ruin others, and if you’re at the point where you wonder whether she’s using “special techniques” or smthg, it means she got to your mental health. See a therapist to mend what was broken, and get away from this toxic woman.

“If you aren’t as confident that old scrolls and books accurately describe what happens after we die, you might feel a lot more motivated to make sure your one and only experience in this universe is as comfortable and rewarding as possible, particularly living in a time period that we can understand and manage these kinds of concepts and treat conditions that cause constant pain or suffering.”

Ask your mother what societal value retirees provide, and then ask her where you should dump her once she retires.

Your mom doesn’t have enough value worth your time. You don’t change hearts and minds like these. These kinds of people don’t change until shit personally affects them, because your mom is an asshole.

I don’t think there is much to say to that, other than a genuine “I’m happy for you that you have never had to struggle with depression. I hope you stay healthy, I wouldn’t wish this illness on anyone.”

My best advice is, don’t try to change your mom’s mind. Instead, focus on your own beliefs, and find a way to accept that she isn’t ready to do the same and may never be.

Some things that might help you:

1) Understand that criticism can be a form of love, especially from our parents

When people who love us criticise us, it’s usually because they want us to improve. It’s not just to make you feel bad. Instead the feelings of shame are intended to motivate you to do better because they want you to be the best version of yourself.

It’s not effective, and it hurts, but it helps me to reframe criticism in that way. Ask yourself, who made the comment, and why do you think they did so? If it’s someone you don’t respect, ot you think just wanted to be nasty, ignore it. If it’s someone that you believe cares about you, ask yourself whether it could be an inefficient expression of caring. If the latter, let go of the hurt as inefficient, and try to consider objectively whether they may have a point, and what (if anything) you can or want to do about it.

2) Create and live a definition of value that you believe to be true.

Sadly, modern society teaches that our worth is based on our productivity and our school / work success. It sounds as if your mom may have internalised this belief, and it’s possible that a lot of her own self esteem relies on it. That’s why it could be very difficult for her to let go of. You can though.

Ask yourself, who are the people in your life that you value, that you care about? Consider them one at a time and ask yourself why they matter to you. You will notice very quickly that your answers have nothing to do with their productivity or their success. It will be their kindness, their sense of humour, their reliability, the way a smile lights up their face, etc.

Then ask yourself, how well do I embody these characteristics that I value in others? Try to be true to your definition of value, and feel empathy for those people who believe the lie that only productivity enriches our society.

**3) Accept that depression creates a burden for the people around you and try to minimise it
**
It’s not your fault that you’re ill, but that doesn’t make it any easier for the people around you. Mental illness is a reason for struggling with certain things, not an excuse to dump the burden on others.

The low energy of depression means you need to prioritise what you do. Some of it should be activities that make you feel better, like going into nature, keeping a gratitude journal, or phoning a friend. Some of it needs to be being a good friend, partner, and child. Figure out what the other person needs and how much you can do.

Why did your mom mention laziness? Was it frustration at something she expected from you that you aren’t doing? Can you negotiate and agree lower expectations from her? A discussion to understand her priorities could help diffuse some of her frustration.

Hopefully something in this helped you. Good luck.

What’s is your rebuttal for it?

Don’t waste your time and energy on arguments with people who don’t want to listen.