I don’t think that at all. I think you’re struggling and this is a cry for help. I’m just trying to give you a stick. (Like https://boggletheowl.tumblr.com/post/41509206591/ive-been-getting-a-lot-of-these-lately-and-i )
Unfortunately no one outside yourself will be able to save you on this one. You have to decide to make effort to improve. Especially if you’re not in the financial position to get professional help. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Your options are to continue to be miserable or work on yourself. You don’t seem to want to do the work, but you do a good job pulling down excuses.
I’ve mentioned plenty of ways to get around being broke. But you don’t want help. You want to complain. Hopefully some day you’ll get past that. I wish you luck with your health issues.
Changing yourself is not erasing yourself. It’s improving yourself. ‘Old and weird’? Nah, I got lots of old weirdos that are an absolute delight in my life.
Okay, you’re not a bad person. How is someone supposed to know that? What do you do? Tell me about yourself, but don’t say stuff about what you are. Tell me what you do. 3 things.
Chances are the more you do, the more you’ll find yourself around people that will find what you do desirable.
“being unlucky” - aren’t we all, at least sometimes? “Unable to be social” - believe it or not, this is a learnable skill! Google or YouTube ‘how to make friendly conversation’ “Having no one around” - are you living alone in a forest where you must hunt/gather all your food? Even if that is the case, you clearly have the Internet! “Being a failed adult” - again, all adult skills are learned skills. That’s why babies are so bad at adulting. “No job or money” - those are things you can get! The more skills you have, the easier it will be! “To offer any woman” - If your goal is a GF, get skills that make you a desirable partner.
Plenty of good qualities don’t cost a dime.
Edit: and you are totally capable. It’s just going to take effort, which, judging from your replies, you don’t want to put in. Can’t help with that part.
I’ll say it again. Kill the part of yourself that resists change or it will kill you.
I have AuADHD. Executive dysfunction so bad I will look at clothes next to the laundry basket and say “those go in the basket” and then walk away. Then do it again 10 more times in the next half hour. I get it. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s very much not. But you gotta walk away from your learned helplessness or nothing will ever change.
My point before was that small steps are still steps. Most skills are learned in tiny increments. You won’t be able to look back and see progress for a bit. That doesn’t mean there’s no progress. If your goal is to feel bad for yourself you’re succeeding. But if it’s to become a functioning adult then you gotta start somewhere sometime. Yesterday was the best time to start but today is the second best.
I responded elsewhere as well, but I want to say this here too: you clearly have some issues, and it can be really hard to deal with that when you’re not in a good mental or financial place, but I encourage you to find a way.
Pick something. Anything at all, that you are interested in learning or doing and google it. Learn a skill. You’re worth the time it takes. Start working towards a way to be a success on something. Anything. Learn to be a good cook. Learn to code. Learn to juggle (admittedly less helpful in the real world, but at least interesting). It doesn’t matter what but start working some kind of improvement. When I was a baby, I couldn’t do anything for myself, but turns out if you do something enough times you learn anyway.
This isn’t about the sex thing. It’s about you feeling stuck and unable to move forward. It’s about you feeling like a failure and being mad at yourself for feeling that way. Your brain will resist change. Kill the part of you that refuses change before it kills you.
You don’t have to sit stagnant even if it feels helpless. I promise that by doing something, anything, you’ll start to feel a tiny bit better week over week. And some day, you’ll look back on this question and know the answer (assuming that’s a goal of yours).
Then go get some qualities that are worth shit in the real world.
It’s because in the majority of cultures (and hegemonic cultures today) have had men at the top of their hierarchical structure and there are more straight men. The male gaze makes women into sexual objects, culturally we see women as inherently sexy as a result.
This is the same when you see little kids given dolls with different skin colors and told to pick the “good” and “bad” doll. Even children of color pick the white doll for the good one. Because “normal” or “default” means good. In the case of sexual attraction in a straight male dominated society, that means sexual attraction to women.
Edited: I accidentally pushed the post button too soon…
While this is indeed a list, it pales in comparison to what you can do in or near a large city.
I enjoy a ton of things on your list but there’s stuff you just can’t easily do outside of a metro area. Especially stuff you need a specialized teacher for.
This is why work from home is so valuable to me. They don’t pay me well enough to have a commute under 45 mins because the cost of living in the city is high as heck. And there’s no public transit option. So basically that’s 1.5 hours a day that I’m not losing to being stupid traffic
Technically I come in at 7 and leave at 4:30, but it’s a 9 hour day (30 min unpaid lunch) and I get every other Friday off in exchange. Also most days I work from home. No way in heck I’d ever go in for something like that.
OP, start job shopping. Longer hours are a sign the business isn’t doing all that well and they’re trying to squeeze out some more labor. Or a sign they’re doing well but are not interested in taking care of people by hiring enough staff and would rather you burn yourself out.
Some people do, but it’s not as easy as “just eat better” for everyone. If we were arguing about how people aren’t eating healthy I think very few people would be frame it as just a choice.
Cheap meat, fast food (few if any veggie options, and basically no vegan ones) - these are staples of the poor. There’s a limit to how much rice and beans anyone wants to eat, especially when just getting a couple pounds of ground beef is a luxury. I don’t think it’s right to shame people for taking the beef. Or judging them for taking it.
I think if vegans want to change the world they should be campaigning against poor practices in the industry, not attacking the guy who just worked 16 hours at a minimum wage job and is choosing to grab a mcdouble rather than going home to cook a beyond burger. Is one better for the environment and world? Sure. But it’s not that guy’s fault the system is rigged in favor of the mcdouble, and reminding him of the fact that he’s making the world worse isn’t furthering the goal of making the world better.
It’s the privilege thing that gets me every time. Not everyone can participate in your exclusive food club and be healthy and fulfilled. Let people do the best they can with what they have.
I’ve not had this experience with vegans because I don’t really know many people who are vegan, but I always find it funny when a vegetarian says something like “you could add chicken or beef if you wanted” when the whole point of asking for the recipe is that you liked it enough to try to make it again… It’s kind of adorable and sweet.
There are lots of people who believe this for religious reasons. Not saying I agree, just saying they absolutely exist.
The very first vegan I ever knew talked at me for 10 minutes about how I should go vegan. It was the only 10 minutes I knew her. I was 15, still living with my parents, didn’t have a way to get around, and my family was fairly poor. Oh, and my mother didn’t cook so much as unboxed dinner, because the kitchen was always filthy. I definitely walked away from that interaction feeling like I’d been told I was a terrible human who deserves to suffer by a rude principal. So yes, they definitely exist.
I’ve never met a Vegetarian that wasn’t chill about it, though.
I’m sure there are plenty of chill vegans too, but some of them come off like an annoying televangelist, in my experience.
That choice is steeped in privilege though, and I think it’s worth acknowledging that. Food choices are just something we shouldn’t be judging other people on, regardless of what those choices are. “Fed is best” applies through all stages of life.
The fact that you just think people should live more poorly and with less nutrition if they can’t afford the fru fru stuff is really disturbing.
I’ve been rive and beans only poor before. It sucked a lot. And on the rare occasion I could get some meat or cheese in my diet I definitely wasn’t in a position to be worried about which choice was “worse”. I just wanted some freaking variety. I should be able to have that. Everyone should.
Donate to your local food bank!
I’m from the rural South and there are plenty of ostentatious displays of wealth. Particularly surrounding how your home looks - decorating for every single holiday for no reason comes to mind.
Plenty of rural Americans are super poor. It generally takes more money to live in the city so that should make some sense. I grew up rural poor - my family were partially subsistence farmers, cutting our grocery bill.
To answer the question from OP - I’m not sure I count as properly middle class but I’m definitely more stable than I was growing up, so I’ll say my biggest changes are being more conscious of what I look and smell like. When you’re poor, everything smells like whatever’s on sale. I have kept my tendency to overbuy during sales for anything is shelf stable for long periods of time even if I already have plenty.