I (23M) live in an abusive household (Ohio, USA) with narcissistic asshole parents, bad enough that I was insecure about the fact that I was seemingly the only one in the family who could experience love or empathy. I haven’t been able to move out yet because I have disabilities and no job.
My older brother was a brooding quiet kid, so for a long time, I didn’t know exactly how he was affected by his upbringing, except that he had anger issues. My parents always shrugged off my fear of him, accusing me of overreacting, even when he killed a bird with his bare hands and displayed its corpse in a tree in the backyard. Today, he’s a strong 6’2" guy with military training and a gun.
My worst fears were confirmed when he displayed a pattern of escalating threats and violence over the past year or so. In October 2024, when he thought I wasn’t around, he candidly told my dad that he would be willing to kill me if there were no consequences. Last February, he remorselessly beat his girlfriend’s cat to death (she did not press charges), which my parents saw as petty drama. Last June, he gleefully described his fantasies of shooting up peaceful protests, which my parents shrugged off.
A few hours ago, I experienced the most terrifying moment of my life.
I was in my bedroom when an argument broke out between my brother and my parents about finances. When my brother didn’t get the response he wanted and my dad started heckling him, he erupted in a way that I had never witnessed before.
“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!! MESS WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL SLICE YOU UP!! DIE, BITCH, DIE!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs in a roaring voice he had never used before, repeatedly threatening to kill my dad. My heart was beating out of my chest as I prepared to dial 911 and leap out my bedroom window. I waited tensely for the sound of gunshots or my parents screaming. Since I was holed up in my room, I couldn’t see if he was brandishing a weapon. “Okay, that’s enough,” my mom said in a casually disapproving tone that was psychotically unfitting for the severity of the situation. (My parents aren’t exempt from his violence, as my father was struck in the head by him a few years prior.)
After a couple more minutes of horrifyingly unhinged screams and threats, my brother finally reverted back to “regular pissed off” mode and left to hang out in the woods, while my parents continued to go about their day as if nothing had happened.
So… I can’t fucking believe I’m in this situation. For years my parents told me I was overreacting and paranoid, and I kind of believed them. I always thought that murder was a far-off threat that I would read about on the Internet but never be faced with myself. It’s so hard to shake off this feeling of normalcy and relative stability, and part of me wants to just forget what happened like my parents do. Being uprooted from my home and having to suddenly figure everything out with physical limitations, chronic fatigue, no friends, no home, and no job, in the middle of a cold winter, feels dangerous in itself.
I don’t know what to do. A lifetime of abuse has made me stupid. I feel like if I contact law enforcement, they won’t keep my brother away for long enough for me to get my life in order and make a clean break. He’s almost certain to know that I called the cops, so he will be able to target me after whatever light questioning or slap on the wrist they give him. Plus, my parents will likely try to sabotage my efforts to stay safe. If I contact the authorities or any kind of help resource and it gets back to my family, I will have placed a bright red target on my back and won’t be able to undo it.
It is very hard to focus with the constant threat of violence looming over my shoulder. I failed my last semester of college because my brother suddenly became much more domineering and threatening, and I became too paranoid to even use the bathroom, let alone study.
I can’t think straight. I need help, but I don’t know how to get help in a way that protects me from retaliation.
There is a lot here, but if you feel you can’t act using LE help, than Ohio has zero-criteria, male-inclusive housing options. They rarely use the word “shelter” on the web so they do not get swamped by single men seeking free motel space. You qualify under “survivor of family-violence with disability.”
When you call: you can give “first name only” and withhold your exact address—they will still arrange transport. Bring legal-ID. Proof-of-employment are not required; safety trumps paperwork.
• Crisis Hotline 24/7 (call from any phone – they will NOT disclose caller ID):
• Ohio Domestic Violence Network – 1-800-934-9840 (ask for “male survivor advocacy”).
Faster SMS/Text (smart-number line): Text “SAFE” + ZIP to 44357.Three metros with immediate walk-in male units (all wheelchair/adaptive):
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CHOICES – Columbus & Delaware detox-friendly, 30–90 day stays.
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YWCA Dayton Brukner House male wing funded specifically for adults with disabilities; they take SSA or SSI clients and help reinstate payments if interrupted.
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Victims Assistance Cleveland & Erie County – 24-bed male DV dorm; can place you same night in independent-living room once CPO filed.
Next-72-hour legal & relocation funding:
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Flexible Financial Assistance – pays up to $2,500 toward deposit, mover, phone, food. One-page form + pic of lease invoice.
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Hotel program – ODVN hotel-voucher code is good for 7– 21 nights; county‐to‐county portability. Confidentiality clause forbids hotel from telling anyone who book and paid.
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REACH Rapid Re-housing – month-to-month subsidized lease for disabled adult DV survivors, renewable for 12 months.
It’s worth mentioning that if your bother is drilling reserve status, or is a retiree who receives retired pay then call the Military Police & DoD Inspector General: 1 800 342-9647. Privileged report triggers immediate base-side investigation and overnight restriction orders—they don’t need your parents’ permission and cannot reveal your identity to them. Based on what you have written, he’s in violation of Article Article 128 — Assault & Threats (10 U.S.C. § 928), Article 134 – Communicating a Threat, Article 134 — Disorder/Neglect to Prejudice, and Article 133 – Conduct Unbecoming an Officer / Qualities of Leadership.
Under Ohio, there are at least two statues: Domestic Violence Civil Protection Order (DV-CPO) – R.C. 3113.31
- specifically covers threats to kill or harm “household members” (supreme court.ohio.gov).
Red-/Yellow-Flag Extreme-Risk Protection Order (ERPO) – R.C. 2923.132
- judge can order police to seize all firearms & ammunition immediately if the respondent poses a “threat of violence”.
These two will remove your brother’s guns/ammunition within 24–48 h. And the Judge can make him vacate the home and stay 500–1,000 ft away even if your parents co-own the house.
There is no criminal charge, no attorney required (R.C. 3113.31(J)): county clerk must supply forms, waives all fees.
My suggestion is that tomorrow morning (or tonight if your county has night magistrate), walk in or use webcam petitioning (many Cuyahoga, Franklin, Summit and Hamilton courts offer online intake after 5 p.m.).
Make a check box “Emergency ex parte” (he does not get notice until order is already in force). You can attach as evidence: a short sworn affidavit of tonight’s threats, any photos of dead animals, and/or a recording (legal in Ohio if you are participant to the conversation).
The court can sign the DV-CPO order the same day and it will be served to him as soon as possible by local PD/Sheriff (generally within 24-48 hours). The hearing has to take place within 7- to 10-day which is a temporary window for you. If he violates the order that it is an instant jail offense R.C. 2919.27.
Forms & on-line helper: olh-cpo-launcher (Ohio Legal Help).
You are not required to broadcast to your family that you sought aid. Every corner of reporting him is lock-and-key confidential—police, courts, shelters. The only way your brother learns is if he breaks the order and is arrested, at which point you have county-funded housing, legal advocacy, and a safety net already in place, and he has a history which is going to make it much harder for him.
Stay safe, and reach out to safe places if you need space.
You are a kind and intelligent person, I hope 2026 treats you well.
Very cool of you.
Kudos for taking the time to post quality info.
Without knowing the support available in Ohio, this was my thoughts.
Reach out to an organisation that understands what supports are available for victims of DV/DA.
Find out what supports are available, how accessible they are.
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Get out.
OP’s disabled and unemployed. Please don’t be facile.
I mean the other solution is to be next in line. If he’s too disabled to leave he’s definitely too disabled to fight back.
I’m not, the streets sound literally safer than that house.
Safety doesn’t matter here. Streets aren’t an option for OP. Anyway, we already got the best possible reply in this thread.
Also, wait a minute, safety doesn’t matter here? Did you really write that out, then click post?
OP said they were considering jumping out of the window. That demonstrates both that they are physically fit enough to handle getting out, and that they should be getting out.
Get out now. It will be hard, but it’s better than dying and better than living in constant fear of violence.
Please take this seriously. Protect yourself
I think you need to move out, as hard as that might be. Even if you need to put stuff like your educatiom on hold you should get away from them all for good
He is unstable and dangerous. Killing animals is a universal first indicator of future violence against people. Don’t take his threats lightly, even if you parents seem to do so.
If you don’t want to call the cops on him (which, IMO, you definitely should), then you should be prepared for the worst. And by that, I mean arm and steel yourself for the worst case scenario. There is a non-zero chance that he’ll put you in an it’s-you-or-him situation.
It won’t be your fault if he puts you in a situation where you have to put a permanent end to his threats. It’ll be hard to live with, but you’ll still live. Which is why I recommend letting the police deal with him, instead.
It’s hard when it’s family, when it’s somebody you grew up with and still have love for. He’s broken, and it’s not your fault he’s the way he is. Nobody can help everybody, but you can still help yourself.
Better IMO to just leave. Don’t even let yourself be put into that situation in the first place.
That’s an emotionally devastating environment apart from the real physical threats.
Which is why I recommend letting the police deal with him, instead.
Even if they can’t or don’t resolve the situation, a paper trail of previous issues and concerns will likely help a lot in later proceedings.
There’s a possibility your parents are taking it seriously but are being very careful to not show their fear.
You should start a paper trail in case something happens it’s not a mystery or unexpected.
And record video or sound when he threatens like that, so it won’t be their word against yours. Always good to have proof just in case.
Feed him a stew that makes him go blind for 1 day.
1 day blinding stew
It’s apparently a remedy for everything. Witches know their stuff
First you need to obtain Herbs of Blindness from the Woods of Sudden Dismemberment and bring them to the witch in the woods, along with the name of a person she’s never met before
That’s a really tough situation. I’m really not sure how good my advice is, but i’ll give it a shot. Avoid confrontation with your brother while working to move out. If that’s not feasible I would come up with a plan to secure your room in the case he does something violent. Lock/barricade your door when he gets worked up and when sleeping. Interior doors are pretty flimsy but it could give you time to wake up and flee or defend yourself. Make sure windows are locked also especially on the ground floor. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out.
edit: I had a rough home life growing up and mostly dealt with it by avoiding home until I could move out.
You gotta get out of there. Look for shelters that can help you. They may be able to help you find a job also.
Are there really safe shelters for men?
Society really doesn’t care about young men, it’s the reason why the alt-right pipeline is a thing .
In some places yes. YMCA for example. It depends where you are.
Important to remember: The YMCA is a Christian association. Depending on the management, they may believe it’s better to contact the family and “work it out”, which is a significant risk to anyone in a DV situation
Depends where. They are mostly independent entities and many are completely secular now.
I agree that most of society has a blind eye for the safety needs of men, but there are organizations which know exactly what men go through and which offer shelter for people in unsafe situations.
I used to work for the largest non profit shelter system in a major West Coast city.
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All the shelters have been beyond completely full since the second year of Covid.
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No, there’s basically nothing that is specifically aimed at helping cishet men.
… and that was all true before Trump/DOGE basically cut 80% of funding for social services, non profit grants, etc.
The entire system of shelter and aid for the homeless and at risk and domestic abuse victims and all that, broadly, its completely collapsing right now.
Trump’s having FEMA build comcentration camps for the homeless, that’s the new ‘model’.
Realistic advice for this person would be to find some friend or extended family member they can stay with for a while, there’s almost 0 chance that any of the organizations listed out in the comprehensive top reply will do anything other than waste this person’s time with intake procedures and then not actually be able to help them meaningfully.
Yeah sorry if this a gut punch but uh yeah, the most at risk suffer the most under fascism, who woulda thought.
We’re gonna be looking at 5 to 10 million homeless people by the end of 2026.
This outside world being so cruel is why I have no choice but to stay with family.
Yay trauma bond
It’s so fun to have my mom tells me she loves me, then like later tell me that I’m the worst mistake she ever made.
My heart is shattering in to so many pieces, you can count each piece individually and there are more fragments than the human population.
I truly wish I had better news to convey, or a plan to offer.
I… came from a not dissimilar family situation as yourself.
More or less, it was dumb luck in the end that allowed me to finally escape them and … just move to a shitty dump of an apartment, halfway across the country, middle of nowhere, but I can afford it, and I usually have my peace and quiet and solitude.
Most of the other people here have been through some shit, and aren’t looking to cause or get into any more trouble, but every once in a while some dipshit lights up a cigarette indoors and we all get have a fire drill at 2am.
Infinitely preferable to having 0 privacy whatsoever and walking on eggshells literally all the time.
I dunno, hey, on the bright side, at least you didn’t have to go through two heatwaves and two blizzards while homeless, at least you’re not still crippled, after a year of physical therapy to recover from all the injuries that caused.
But… I also know what the stress and mental toll of living with psych os is like, its truly maddening.
I hope that you are able to find peace and solace in something.
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You don’t have to call the cops to tell them to come. Simply file police reports for every thing that is happening. Eventually there will be enough evidence to stop him permanently without you having to flee.
Hopefully at least.
If he really did scream that loud, a neighbor reporting it wouldn’t be unlikely.
One of OPs major fears is that his brother will discover OP reported him.
This approach doesn’t seem to manage that risk.
There are ways to report without having the cops come immediately, which would resolve that problem.
But the brother will likely suspect that someone called the cops. And there’s a good chance he will suspect his family members. With a personality like OP describes, having proof of who filed the report isn’t likely relevant, he will “know” who filed it, and that will be good enough for him to act on. Hypothetically, anyway
Very short term solution. What happens when he gets released and comes back home? There’s no solid proof other than he-said vs they-said and it will just amp up the aggression towards him. It’s a tough spot to be in but the cops/law can only help so much before something really bad happens.
I’d definitely find a way to get a deadbolt inside your room door and install it secretly at night.
Sadly, most of the time I hear these stories, it’s after the authorities failed to act with tragic results. As someone said, do your best to create a safe place if you can. Have contacts ready to quickly contact. Sorry to hear of your situation. Just awful.
Cops are swamped with this kinda thing. If they don’t see the crime, such as the brother’s assault outlined above, and the victims won’t talk or press charges, then it’s “he said, she said”, useless to pursue. BUT, they can take a report.
There’s been more than once in my life where the cops later asked, “Why didn’t you call us?!” Having said that, for many reasons I hesitate to involve police unless uncontrollable violence is going down in the moment.
It sounds like you and your parents are in danger. If your brother has military training and has killed animals, he is a threat. It sounds like you know that is true.
For domestic violence at least, the most dangerous point of the cycle is after the escalation, after the explosive anger, once it seems like the situation has returned to normal - that’s when deadly violence is most likely. So stay aware and trust your gut.
Where i am, there are mental health groups that can provide things like a dedicated employment specialist to help find work.
Get in touch with someone who can give you real, expert advice.
As a different approach, ask your parents about their will and what to do when they pass.
First, I am sorry that this situation is happening to you. You are not overreacting, you are just trying to survive. It saddens me to hear this. No one should ever live like that.
Second, I agree with the other people in the comments. Get connected with a mental health professional. if you are still going to college, see if your school has any counseling services; they can help you handle the situation a bit better. They tend to focus more on general student academic troubles, but having some form of support is better than none. Some other forms of online support you can use is the Mental Health forum: https://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/
People with mental health struggles post their troubles here to get support and advice. Maybe you can get some more help there. It’s a forum specifically for people dealing with depression, anxiety, abuse, etc.; an online support group (sort of). Look up therapists in your area. Yeah, their services aren’t free outside school, but you need all the support. I think the mental health support group called 7 cups has therapists.
Third, I think making an escape plan as you try to push through is the best way to go about this. You will have to endure this period for some time until you build up support and savings. I am very sorry. The household you’re living in is not safe. You can use this as motivation to find your own place to live which means finding a job so you can get out. It’s gonna be a difficult journey.
I have lived in a household where I had to survive too. I sympathize with you. Good luck.
Paper trail and instead of going to the parents you can just go directly to the police. You’re going to have to call them multiple times before shit gets done.
