I (23M) live in an abusive household (Ohio, USA) with narcissistic asshole parents, bad enough that I was insecure about the fact that I was seemingly the only one in the family who could experience love or empathy. I haven’t been able to move out yet because I have disabilities and no job.

My older brother was a brooding quiet kid, so for a long time, I didn’t know exactly how he was affected by his upbringing, except that he had anger issues. My parents always shrugged off my fear of him, accusing me of overreacting, even when he killed a bird with his bare hands and displayed its corpse in a tree in the backyard. Today, he’s a strong 6’2" guy with military training and a gun.

My worst fears were confirmed when he displayed a pattern of escalating threats and violence over the past year or so. In October 2024, when he thought I wasn’t around, he candidly told my dad that he would be willing to kill me if there were no consequences. Last February, he remorselessly beat his girlfriend’s cat to death (she did not press charges), which my parents saw as petty drama. Last June, he gleefully described his fantasies of shooting up peaceful protests, which my parents shrugged off.

A few hours ago, I experienced the most terrifying moment of my life.

I was in my bedroom when an argument broke out between my brother and my parents about finances. When my brother didn’t get the response he wanted and my dad started heckling him, he erupted in a way that I had never witnessed before.

“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!! MESS WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL SLICE YOU UP!! DIE, BITCH, DIE!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs in a roaring voice he had never used before, repeatedly threatening to kill my dad. My heart was beating out of my chest as I prepared to dial 911 and leap out my bedroom window. I waited tensely for the sound of gunshots or my parents screaming. Since I was holed up in my room, I couldn’t see if he was brandishing a weapon. “Okay, that’s enough,” my mom said in a casually disapproving tone that was psychotically unfitting for the severity of the situation. (My parents aren’t exempt from his violence, as my father was struck in the head by him a few years prior.)

After a couple more minutes of horrifyingly unhinged screams and threats, my brother finally reverted back to “regular pissed off” mode and left to hang out in the woods, while my parents continued to go about their day as if nothing had happened.

So… I can’t fucking believe I’m in this situation. For years my parents told me I was overreacting and paranoid, and I kind of believed them. I always thought that murder was a far-off threat that I would read about on the Internet but never be faced with myself. It’s so hard to shake off this feeling of normalcy and relative stability, and part of me wants to just forget what happened like my parents do. Being uprooted from my home and having to suddenly figure everything out with physical limitations, chronic fatigue, no friends, no home, and no job, in the middle of a cold winter, feels dangerous in itself.

I don’t know what to do. A lifetime of abuse has made me stupid. I feel like if I contact law enforcement, they won’t keep my brother away for long enough for me to get my life in order and make a clean break. He’s almost certain to know that I called the cops, so he will be able to target me after whatever light questioning or slap on the wrist they give him. Plus, my parents will likely try to sabotage my efforts to stay safe. If I contact the authorities or any kind of help resource and it gets back to my family, I will have placed a bright red target on my back and won’t be able to undo it.

It is very hard to focus with the constant threat of violence looming over my shoulder. I failed my last semester of college because my brother suddenly became much more domineering and threatening, and I became too paranoid to even use the bathroom, let alone study.

I can’t think straight. I need help, but I don’t know how to get help in a way that protects me from retaliation.

  • ravenaspiring@sh.itjust.works
    271·
    3 days ago

    There is a lot here, but if you feel you can’t act using LE help, than Ohio has zero-criteria, male-inclusive housing options. They rarely use the word “shelter” on the web so they do not get swamped by single men seeking free motel space. You qualify under “survivor of family-violence with disability.”

    When you call: you can give “first name only” and withhold your exact address—they will still arrange transport. Bring legal-ID. Proof-of-employment are not required; safety trumps paperwork.

    • Crisis Hotline 24/7 (call from any phone – they will NOT disclose caller ID):
    • Ohio Domestic Violence Network – 1-800-934-9840 (ask for “male survivor advocacy”).
    Faster SMS/Text (smart-number line): Text “SAFE” + ZIP to 44357.

    Three metros with immediate walk-in male units (all wheelchair/adaptive):

    • CHOICES – Columbus & Delaware detox-friendly, 30–90 day stays.

    • YWCA Dayton Brukner House male wing funded specifically for adults with disabilities; they take SSA or SSI clients and help reinstate payments if interrupted.

    • Victims Assistance Cleveland & Erie County – 24-bed male DV dorm; can place you same night in independent-living room once CPO filed.

    Next-72-hour legal & relocation funding:

    • Flexible Financial Assistance – pays up to $2,500 toward deposit, mover, phone, food. One-page form + pic of lease invoice.

    • Hotel program – ODVN hotel-voucher code is good for 7– 21 nights; county‐to‐county portability. Confidentiality clause forbids hotel from telling anyone who book and paid.

    • REACH Rapid Re-housing – month-to-month subsidized lease for disabled adult DV survivors, renewable for 12 months.

    It’s worth mentioning that if your bother is drilling reserve status, or is a retiree who receives retired pay then call the Military Police & DoD Inspector General: 1 800 342-9647. Privileged report triggers immediate base-side investigation and overnight restriction orders—they don’t need your parents’ permission and cannot reveal your identity to them. Based on what you have written, he’s in violation of Article Article 128 — Assault & Threats (10 U.S.C. § 928), Article 134 – Communicating a Threat, Article 134 — Disorder/Neglect to Prejudice, and Article 133 – Conduct Unbecoming an Officer / Qualities of Leadership.

    Under Ohio, there are at least two statues: Domestic Violence Civil Protection Order (DV-CPO) – R.C. 3113.31

    • specifically covers threats to kill or harm “household members” (supreme court.ohio.gov).

    Red-/Yellow-Flag Extreme-Risk Protection Order (ERPO) – R.C. 2923.132

    • judge can order police to seize all firearms & ammunition immediately if the respondent poses a “threat of violence”.

    These two will remove your brother’s guns/ammunition within 24–48 h. And the Judge can make him vacate the home and stay 500–1,000 ft away even if your parents co-own the house.

    There is no criminal charge, no attorney required (R.C. 3113.31(J)): county clerk must supply forms, waives all fees.

    My suggestion is that tomorrow morning (or tonight if your county has night magistrate), walk in or use webcam petitioning (many Cuyahoga, Franklin, Summit and Hamilton courts offer online intake after 5 p.m.).

    Make a check box “Emergency ex parte” (he does not get notice until order is already in force). You can attach as evidence: a short sworn affidavit of tonight’s threats, any photos of dead animals, and/or a recording (legal in Ohio if you are participant to the conversation).

    The court can sign the DV-CPO order the same day and it will be served to him as soon as possible by local PD/Sheriff (generally within 24-48 hours). The hearing has to take place within 7- to 10-day which is a temporary window for you. If he violates the order that it is an instant jail offense R.C. 2919.27.

    Forms & on-line helper: olh-cpo-launcher (Ohio Legal Help).

    You are not required to broadcast to your family that you sought aid. Every corner of reporting him is lock-and-key confidential—police, courts, shelters. The only way your brother learns is if he breaks the order and is arrested, at which point you have county-funded housing, legal advocacy, and a safety net already in place, and he has a history which is going to make it much harder for him.

    Stay safe, and reach out to safe places if you need space.