This is my favorite post of the morning. Laughed well and shared with a friend. Thanks, Onion.
If hot tub handjobs really are a thing I’ve wasted my life
They are but are very dry. Water is not good lube. Better one person sits on the edge of the hot tube with there legs in the water.
Lazy rivers work also…
Skill issue.
Use silicone-based lube for water play.
Instructions unclear, silicone now in bladder.
Also, it’s kinda ass to put that in someone else’s filter system, and you don’t want to be dealing with it in yours.
Yeah but like, the water is just going to clean everything off. Especially turbulent water like a hot tub
It doesn’t. It takes soap to get silicone lube off.
Doing anal with a girl in a hot tub isn’t much better
tub girl?
They are, so next time take off your floaties.
Nice try, I’d drown immediately if I did that
You want to go the pool route. In the hot tub there’s little differentiation temperature wise.
Look man
Y’all know far too much for this. I’m 34, my ex cheated on me 5 years (or 6 idk, I lost track) and have gotten laid once in that time.
It doesn’t help i have ADHD with some weird mental thing preventing me from trying to hook up with anyone for any reason
Wait, no, I think my ex and I did try in a pool once but when they say “pool closed” we assumed that meant cause no staff was around
some weird mental thing preventing me from trying to hook up with anyone
Do the test
Yeah. I’ve been screened. That one gives me between 20-24 depending on a couple of the middle of the road answers. There’s another one that’s much longer that highlights the ADHD and general anxiety traits, but the two categories ASD rates high on are low scores.
I mean I get it. I’m an engineer, I overanalyze the shit out of everything, I’m anxious socially, I get bored as shit easily, I’m terrified of effort yielding no results. It’s paradoxical in my head: I am lonely, crave social interaction, but I’m so terrified of it I avoid opportunities as much as possible.
Best thing to do is (i know it’s cliche) but to not worry about it.
Just focus on yourself and the hobbies you find fun. Then start to look for others (not romantically) that also partake in those hobbies. Maybe try and find local in person meet ups or spaces that accommodate for it.
You just be you and eventually you’ll attract someone without effort. No one is completely unique and you will find a common ground with someone that will eventually flourish. And because it’s around the things you already love, it’ll be less effort.
I know ADHD can throw a spanner in the works too (I have it as well). But it will come to you either through practice or by o professional help (like I did) depending on the severity.
Dammit! These are schwimmflügel, there IS a proper English term. Use It!
Edit: Thanks @[email protected] I realized a left out a diacritic mark.
schwimmflugel
English
🤔
Kindergarten, Rucksack, Schadensfreude :)
It’s actually Schadenfreude
Schadensfreude isn’t invalid, it’s just a rare variant. The “s” allows for a smoother connection between the two words. If this spelling is confusing, just pretend the “s” is silent.
Do you mean silent as in ilent?
I mean, it’s at least not valid in German. There might be people using that word in English, I don’t know.
Ze fix? Ich stehe korrigiert, danke!
Aber zu meiner Verteidigung: laut Ngram-Viewer ist Schadenfreude (~0.000130%) 144-mal so häufig wie Schadensfreude (~0.00000090%).
Are not English…
except they are and were lent from German.
Floaties image search: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=floaties&t=ffab&ia=images&iax=images
Nary a schwimmflügel in those results at all. I rest my case.
Try again with the word ‘arm’ in front.
I much prefer to manipulate searches, and cherry pick results to fit my warped sense of humor, thanks.
Yeah that’s fair
I mean this is a shitpost community after all. Best to ya!
deleted by creator
Parents can be mysterious, that way.
I read the caption before I took a good look at the picture and I assumed that “floaties” meant something very different.
Floaters greatly lessen my enjoyment of hot tubs as well.
Yeah spots everywhere and you don’t know if its an bubble on your eye or just the floaties
Oh, I’ve got this far down the comments before realising we were maybe talking about arm based flotation devices and not turds.
Well at least someone here is getting floaties. I’m sitting here either dry or wet as a bone.
better to bone wet than dry
I would also like to keep my bones wet for as long as possible too
Skill issue tbh
Yeah, just cum on the inside, problem solved.
Boebert approves this message
I love onions
Whatever floats your uhh… arms?
Safety first though!
Honey, you have to put some elbow grease into it.
That’s when you go for the foot job instead.
Sounds like a challenge tbh
If anything it would make them faster as the floaties would increase the speed the hand goes up
this guy hand jobs
“from German”. I’m not being elitist, I am not German. But lent words have origins.
