Asking for a friend. No seriously, I’m trying to figure out how to best explain this to a friend as I’m having trouble enumerating how I can do it.

  • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    6 hours ago

    That’s a super general question…

    But in general it’s just understanding what makes people happy: dopamine. And then understanding how that specific person varies from average.

    Like, it’s entirely possible they keep doing all things that would make most people happy, and they’re just wired differently so it’s not working.

    So people can help someone learn to be happy. But you can’t really help someone learn how to help someone else.

    But before you can do that you need to determine if you’re just trying to make them feel happy for an afternoon, or you’re going to try and help them change their behaviors so they feel happier on their own long term. Those are two very different things.

    For the super general advice:

    To feel happier, talk with them about what they’re doing that is helping their situation. Our brains are dumb and will dump dopamine for saying “I’ll do ____” almost as much as actually doing it.

    But if you want to improve their lives so they’re naturally happier it’s the opposite. You want them to talk less about what they’re doing, and instead set very easily obtainable goals so their brain gets used to giving dopamine only for accomplishing things

    It’s a short term/long term thing.

    Like, are you trying to stop someone from going SAD in the next 24 hours, or is your friend just constantly a little bummed out the last year?

    • partial_accumen@lemmy.world
      1·
      3 hours ago

      But in general it’s just understanding what makes people happy: dopamine. And then understanding how that specific person varies from average.

      Like, it’s entirely possible they keep doing all things that would make most people happy, and they’re just wired differently so it’s not working.

      This is where my answer would go to. I’d extend on what you said about dopamine though in two specific directions:

      • Learn what drives you as an individual. Besides chemical inducements, what actions/accomplishments/behaviors give you a sense of satisfaction? For most there is some form of creative or active pursuit like artistic painting, dance, woodworking, moto racing, skydiving, sport, memorizing trivia, study of a field of science, organizing, home design, or any number of the endless activities that exist. Figure out what it is that you like doing, and do more of it.
      • Cut back on the chemical inducements of dopamine. If you can get the 10x-100x the dopamine hit you need from just putting a chemical in your body, the tiny bit of natural dopamine you get from a non-chemical activity won’t even register with you. You’ll be desensitized to the natural dopamine you get from the things you like doing. The things you like doing that would normally give you dopamine won’t anymore that you’ll be able to detect. This means you stop doing the things you like. So the only way you can get any measurable amount of dopamine you detect is by the chemicals.