Maybe it’s cuz I’m an introvert, but I realized I haven’t really talk to my aunts/uncles outside of family gatherings that I was forced to go to…
Like idk, older generation feels so weird… like they feel kinda intimidating…
No. I havent seen any of my cousins in over 10 years. I doubt I’ll see any of them until either my dad dies or one of their parents does.
Its a shame but we were never close. They have always lived a few hours away so its not like we have any real bond beyond family connection.
According to my dad I have a whole bucket load of second cousins, but I’ve not seen them in over 30 years
I have/had lots of aunts and uncles, but most of them were stuck up as hell. I really only talked to two of them (married couple). They were absolutely lovely and the rest of the family hated them.
No. Up until a few years ago, I considered my extended familiy to be important. My parents and their siblings had had their fair share of drama and infighting, but ‘my’ generation (I am almost 50 years old), seemed to get along, even if me rarely met up. However, when my mother’s oldest living sister died, I went to her funeral, as I considered it natural to pay my respect and support my mother and living aunts. It was clear that my presence (and my other cousins who showed up) was not appreciated by her children. That day, I lost more than just one aunt.
I remember I kinda skipped my paternal grandmother’s funeral since I’m depressed af and I didn’t even know her well and never liked her, and had to go to another city and didn’t like the travel time… so I didn’t go, but the rest of my immediately family went…
So yea I probably look like an asshole to them… but like… this is Chinese culture… mental health isn’t talked about… so my parents just lied and told them I had college stuff and was busy. I wasn’t even in college anymore, too depressed and I withdrew. So…
Fucking conservative cultures… can’t even mention depression of they see you as “ooh scary crazy person” or maybe “useless weakling”
Yes. I have several cousins and an uncle in Germany. I admit we didn’t talk that frequently but we do talk on birthdays and holidays and we sometimes visit each other. In fact one of my cousins is coming to visit me next month. I fear for him. I hope CBP doesn’t give him a problem en route. I also share music ideas with another cousin.
I hope CBP doesn’t give him a problem en route.
Tell them to start like delete any political social media posts related to the US¹ and get a burner phone for the trip.
¹Not sure if this would even help, but leaving it up is probably worse.
I really like my first cousin. Just a great person. I like her family, my wife really gets along with her, I like her husband, my children and her children are second cousins and they all get along too. We visit them in-person once or twice a year.
I hadn’t seen her for 15 years and then we reconnected at our grandfather’s funeral about 10 years ago. It’s nice sharing roots with other people.
It depends.
As you get older these kinds of relationships become more important because… for most people they’re one of very few constants in life. As in, friends and even partners come and go but from the day I’m born to the day I die, my ancestors will be my ancestors, and I share that in common with extended family.
That doesn’t mean you have to talk to them or keep in touch with them or go to family gatherings. It just means that even after 3 decades of not speaking to a particular uncle or aunt, they still have that background and that title.
To some people that might not have much meaning and that’s fine, but to me it does mean something, although I’m not sure what exactly.
I have this very weird “connection” to one of my aunts… like… she was the one that sponsored for my family to be in the US, so I kinda feel grateful for not having to be in China. Like she always act very “nice” towards me… idk I feel like its a flame that’s too hot to touch… I’m an introvert and I don’t like social butteflies being so like… saying a bunch of weird things like… how do I put it… like very personal things… like maybe its just Chinese culture, but there’s no topic that’s “off limits” that these relatives won’t talk about (I’m talking about like the overall “family culture” vibes), even very personal stuff like your bodyweight, “omg you grew taller” then this aunt kinda tries to lectures us on stuff like how she raises her children and as if to say this is how you’re supposed to be raised and your parents are raising you wrong (implied, not actually said), future and marriage stuff like “hey when you get older, you’re gonna get married right?”, “what do you wanna be when you grow up”, “which college do you wanna go to?”, “we’re going on this expensive trip, do you wanna come with us” like just showing off their wealth (they’re “middle class”, and my family is lower on the wealth scale), and like this aunt would like constantly like to take pictures of me when I don’t really like it (like not in a creepy way, its a different cultural expentations so taking pictures of kids is not considered weird, I just find it very annoying… I hate being in photos since I’m just shy af lol) like we don’t see each other often…
Like idk feels like this aunt looks at me like as if I’m this very skittish kitten and just really want to like “pet” me, know what I mean…
So, me with that “skittish kitten attitude” I just feel reluctant to “be around with this human” that really wants to get close to me. But I still feel grateful to like be in this country thanks to the aunt.
Yep. I’m Australian and my partner was raised in South East Asia.
I run into similar cultural discrepancies (?) from time to time. Like in her home country it’s 100% acceptable to tell someone they’re overweight and everyone have a good old laugh about it.
And yeah, photos. God.
I don’t really have any solutions for you I’m sorry.
I used to until they all joined the maga cult. Last one i saw in person said the n word in an unprovoked rant about black people, then praised trump for allowing him to feel comfortable saying it again…
I probably won’t see most of them but at funerals. The last funeral was terrible because they are terrible people now
…said the n word in an unprovoked rant about black people, then praised trump for allowing him to feel comfortable saying it again…
There’s the whole MAGA movement summed up in one sentence.
Relationships are incredibly important for living a long and fulfilling life.
One of the most common regrets of those nearing the end of their life:
“I wish I had stayed in touch with the people who mattered.”
It also has a protective factor to your health too.
Now, does that mean that you have to force yourself to like those extended relatives? No, of course not. Just like any other people, you must make the assessment whether these people are on the whole a benefit or a deterrent to you.
But being a family member often grants you a quick on-ramp to foster those relationships.
We all often say it’s too hard, we’re too busy. And I’d argue that if you find value in it, then you’re going to do it with intention and make the time.
No, but I’m an introvert like my dad. My sister and my mom do, they’re way more social. My closest cousin in age doesn’t talk to me, and I don’t talk to him, but we’re each other’s favourites and we’ve said as much in front of our other cousins.
Some of my aunts and uncles randomly showed up in my city and invited me out, so I showed them around a bit, and it was a nice time. I’m finding as I get older that I appreciate family more.
I have a weekly D&D game with my favorite aunt and uncle, as well as my Dad and my cousin’s husband.
The latter runs one weekend, and I run the next, completely separate games of course.
I’m 51, my dad is 79, and his sister and her husband are a few years younger than he is. No idea on my fellow DM, I suspect late 40s.
If you find a common thread to hang on to, you can have a great relationship.
In this case, my aunt and uncle knew I was a huge weird nerd whose dad introduced him to D&D at 7 years old, so they thought to invite me when their daughter’s husband made a game for them.
Seven years later, we are still at it and I run a game for my friends as well.
These relationships can be nurtured, as all can. You just have to find and maintain the why’s.
Even people who don’t give a crap about birdwatching may still love to see the birds their old friends spot.
But to further your point, I don’t make much of an effort for those relatives that I don’t have much in common with.
This year’s Christmas present is a box of homemade fudge, rice krispie treats, and spicy chex mix, all homemade.
That’s the effort I put in for those I don’t have in my weekly or monthly life but are extended family.
No. But also I don’t really make any effort. I see the drama my wife goes through with her close family and I don’t need any of that. They are just strangers who share a relative with me.
No ill feelings, I’m just no less awkward with them than other normies.
Yes. We get together with extended family every year. We enjoy each other’s company.
Weirdo
Yeah i never call or hang out with them separately, but i enjoy seeing them once or twice a year when we all get together
Yes. I pick the ones I like and make an effort with them. A handful of cousins and their families. Don’t mind keeping a cursory, light interaction with some aunts and uncles.
Yeah, the ones I have a connection with.
Aunt because we talk plants. She’s hella good at hoyas and I’ve learned a lot from her.
Cousin because she ended up in a similar career field and we swap stories. Also some similar hobby interests.
Another cousin who has similar interests when it comes to politics and volunteer work.
I’m an extrovert, but my extended family is weird.
Most of them have problems, so I prefer to avoid them.
The one family unit that does that have those problems is very nice, but they are strange. I recently talked to my brother about it and he gets the same vibe from them.
But my immediate family is awesome! I talk to my mom, dad, brother, and sister weekly and I’m approaching my 40s.
