Codeday Hackathon back in high school.

So were all a bit awkward at socializing because we’ve had less practice at it. Add onto this the fear that women feel due to bad men, and the worry that the good men feel about being perceived as one of the bad men and it gets difficult. My advice is to stop worrying about romance for a little bit and let it come to you.

Focus on becoming more social in non romantic ways; it’s a lot easier.

If your not at the point of maturity that you can be platonic friends with a straight woman (not knocking you just some straight people aren’t especially if they’re love starved), then try and befriend a local lesbian, they can teach you a lot about women’s perspectives.

You’ll eventually find that women, by in large, are just people born into a certain set of circumstances. It wont be easy, but once you are confident in your own skin and stop worrying romance will probably find you. Good luck!

So I dipped my toe in the PUA pipeline, back when it was called PUA. The ethos actually makes a couple decent points.

One is that it’s a numbers game. A quality relationship is based on compatibility. Compatibility is based on lots of things, but the more people you meet the more likely you are to find someone of higher compatibility.

So mostly you just gotta get out there and meet people. You can do that via apps, you can do that via hobbies, but you just gotta get out there and interact with people.

Another part of that is accepting that not every interaction is going to end in true love. Ironically, putting less importance on any individual encounter makes you respond more attractively in general.

Accept that whatever encounter you’re in won’t end in a romantic partner, and that’s fine, you can just hang out and have fun. You’ll be more likely to stumble upon people who dig your vibe and want to know you better.

Obsess over particular individuals, and you’re certain to drive them away, and also scare off any real prospects.

Chill out and have no expectations.

Biggest tip: don’t look for a girlfriend, look for friends. Find something you enjoy doing that can be done with other people, and just make friends through that. Eventually you’ll like one of your female friends enough to want to ask her out, and be comfortable enough around her to not be worried about rejection

I know you’ve likely heard this before, but it’s the best way to find a good partner. I met my fiance through my church young adults group, and we were friends for years before starting dating, now we’re getting married this January.

Churvch

I first started by making a thread asking people for advice while laying the blame on “females”. Then I ignored all of those people telling me that my personality was the issue, leaving comments so juvenile that the entire thread got taken down. Then, I posted the same shit the next day, but this time blaming my anxiety, still in heavy denial that it’s actually my complete inability to self reflect on how I treat women that is leaving me single.

Oh way, that was you, not me. My b.

By joining meetup groups you have an interest in, but don’t start hitting on people right away. Get to know people in the group before seeing if they have friends who are available.

Same way anyone else does - by stepping out of my comfort zone for a chance at something good.

I have never had problems meeting women. But i have the same anxiety taking to women in intrigued by. I learned to remember that women also want company and feel anxiety and giddy when meeting someone attractive. It might even be a safety thing that you need time to get closer to someone so both sides can feel safe and comfortable. I learned to carefully watch people without staring. They will eventually notice and their reaction will tell you pretty clearly if they find you attractive. And there is somebody for everybody believe the middle aged balding dude with the broken marriage. Now if you find someone equally interested you should be hanging around them, so find a non creepy excuse to spend time in their proximity. That’s where all the talk of finding groups to join comes from. Maybe she is as shy as you are, try to imagine how she might be feeling. So you both need time to find your way through that. With time and ample opportunity one or both of you with inch closer and it starts with short eye contacts and maybe one or two words exchanged.

The most important thing to realize is that most women even if attracted might not be the perfect situational match, so don’t latch on and try to force the situation. Just keep your eyes peeled, enjoy the process as it usually gives you confidence and always be your honest and kindest self towards you and others. Kindness and honesty is much more attractive than looks. Opportunity will eventually present itself and well… Love finds a way :)

Loaded up grindr then showed him the door afterwards. A match made in heaven.

I met my wife online about fifteen years ago.

We were in the same town and met after maybe two weeks of messaging each other… and we just clicked. (Views on politics, religion, drugs/alcohol, pets, and lifestyle were all compatible, easy to just be around each other, etc.)

I’m 51 now and this is my fourth relationship. It’s never been easy to find someone I match up with. (For context, I’m tall, balding, and quite fat, but I think I’m pretty attractive/do well with what I have. I didn’t always have that confidence in myself. Don’t beat yourself up, it really doesn’t help.)

It’s also worth saying that I was in a terribly dark place when I met my wife, but I put myself out there anyway. Working on yourself is a great priority, without question, but I found someone who accepted me at my lowest, helped me to be better, and I was then able to reward her by being a good husband. Having been through that (and other dark times) has made us stronger together.

So my advice is:

1. That old canard, ‘Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive’ is completely true. Play up on what makes you attractive, and don’t mess that up by being rude or smelling bad.

2. Show interest in public. By that I mean be jovial and open. Notice those who respond in kind. If you can, strike up a tiny conversation. Build those skills in little moments. Maybe this will go somewhere, maybe not, but you’re learning to be more open.

3. Be social, and some of that can include online dating. If you’re doing online dating, try to meet early, as that’s where you’ll be able to find if you click with someone. You just can’t know until you meet, in my opinion. Plus long online-only relationships involve you envisioning the ideal of a partner rather than seeing if you can live with them.

4. Put yourself out there! You can’t get better about approaching women if you don’t keep trying. Don’t hit on everyone you meet, of course, but I’ve known really ugly guys who always had a cute girlfriend (Also a couple schlubby guys who married absolutely gorgeous women, somehow) and several solid couples where neither are conventionally attractive, but they have love and a great life together.

And that last line should be your goal, a great partner and a great life.

Why is finding an SO or getting laid being put on a pedestal? What does it solve?

Attended a wedding. Confirm you’re not on the same side 😂

I used dating apps and suffered until I found a wonderful woman that insists that I am handsome. 🤷‍♂️

I had reconnected with a former coworker while I was going through a difficult time in my life. She was also going through some heavy shit and we helped each other get through it. We talked every day for about a year before we actually saw each other face to face.

We’ve been married for almost 4 years now.

The last line was “shrubby guys getting gorgeous women” actually but get the whole message you made. Thank you