Many of us have heard the deprecating characterizations of many countries. Like Putin described the UK as an “insignificant little Island”, and Russia has been characterized as a “mob run gas station” or Trump calling El Salvador, Haiti and African countries as “shithole countries”.
Let’s flip things around for a bit of fun. After a heavy night of drinking with your country’s head of tourism, you have one shot to give your best self-depricating characterization of your country for a new border sign.
I’ll go first:
Welcome to Canada - Enjoy world class sexual assault in sport – Come and play!
Welcome To The Divided States of America - Come for the rape, stay for the pedophilia.
“Good luck finding us on a map” - our own citizens.
“The world thinks we are efficient and have no humor. In reality, our trains are a joke.”
Ah! Home sweet home.
“Where the bureaucracy still mainly runs on fax machines.”
Hey, at least fax machines still work while Outlook is down.
Because spices were too expensive, we discovered an entire new route to reach the source, while at the same time settling colonies and strongholds everywhere we set foot. We owned half the planet at same point, then we let it all crumble. Nobody knows who or where we are and we often get mistaken for being part of another country. Which we lovingly hate.
Welcome to America: get the fuck out, immigrant scum
All Men are created equal, well not you, or you, or you over there, and definitely not her.
All men are created equal*
^* terms and conditions may apply^
You win.
It’s took me half my life to understand my history. Being Lakota, outside of living in the Dakota’s made it very difficult. I am often considered white and I don’t understand it. I don’t have long hair so that makes me white? But the truth is that my ancestors were the hardest against the immigrant. The Indian Wars of the late 1800s were fought by the grandfathers of my grandparents. That’s only a couple generations. My mother’s grandmother was witness to Wounded Knee.
The lesson learned is that you can not stop people from migration. Our people were the greatest warriors who followed the Bison as they migrated. We had the biggest tribal territory of all the American Indians.
It doesn’t matter if you have an army of the baddest mother fuckers who ever fought… The desperate will to be will always win. Yeah there’s still a lot of people on the Rez that will try to get you to leave but it’s an accepted truth that we’re never going to have our land back to the way it was. We will always have to accept that the white man is a constant presence. Many of us have loved ones and family members that are not native.
But if you go to the Rez, they will almost always welcome you. They will show you the hospitality. The truth is accepting that people are not going to respect boarders when pushed. We should all learn to just accept that and stop trying to fight it. The empires of old made these lines and we don’t have to go along with it.
Let’s instead try to find a way to deal with it, together. So many people. All of us, the people. The words we as Lakota use to describe ourselves is always in it core, a phrase that means The People. The world is big enough for us all. Our world is rich enough to support us all if we resist hate and bigotry.
The ultra rich are the ones trying to exclude. They are the enemies trying to hoard all the resources. The last thing some foreign people looking for salvation want is your destruction. The history of brave people who walked into Indian territory and made peace with the people is amazing.
There’s a story in my family about a Scottish lady who somehow found herself in the tribe during the early 1800s. She was always the Scottish lady but she was so loved that we all know who she is.
This is the way. We just have to open our hearts and minds to accept it.
welcome to orbanistan, recently renamed for our new glorious leader! we’re the perfect hangout spot for commies for that raw soviet vibe, because we sure as hell haven’t progressed since. indulge yourself in a thousand intricate flavours of hate, walk the depressed streets of our only city, or simply enjoy our currency making you feel like a millionaire just for being able to afford to visit.
We’re nice now, we swear, please buy our cars.
Either Japan or Germany!
I can’t speak for them but I’d suspect Japan has moved on to “please buy our big breasted animu babes douzo yoroshikuwu”. Good for them honestly.
Good luck finding us on a world map. We’re famous for two things: an adaptation of a British guy’s books, and constantly trying to convince people that we do not want to fuck sheep while one of our banks goes and makes an ad campaign with a sheep that the internet decides is sexy.
Welcome to New Zealand, just off the coast of best sporting nation in the world
I kneel, this is excellent ragebait.
You guys would have been fine if somebody had taught the bank about the Streisand effect.
A sheep named Buck, no less. Careful not to typo it!
I can’t fathom the design meetings and nobody bringing this up.
Incidentally, I moved to Auckland at the beginning of 2026, and I was startled by how many maps I started to see that didn’t include New Zealand. There’s an episode of Bluey where it seems intentional–they’re doing a world map puzzle, and while Australia is there, they leave off the bottom-right puzzle piece that would’ve included NZ.
To quote Kill Bill, “My name is Buck…”
“…and I like to party!”
TV edit was just awful.
Did they replace the Pussy Wagon with the Vengabus? Did they give Buck an extra finger on his left hand so the tattoo could say party?
Pussy Wagon is changed to Party Wagon. Don’t recall any tattoo or finger edits!
If they’d done those, at least people would have laughed.
I don’t know if that’s slogany enough for a “welcome to” sign. Also feel free to mention the country.
Also you remind me of a self deprecating joke a guy from Wales and Malta told me some time ago: How do you know a guy is from Malta? He’s shagging a sheep. How do you know the sheep is from Wales? She pushes back while his hands are behind his head.
Hey, don’t sell yourselves short… you’ve got the Haka and Flight of the Concords too
I wasn’t sure what country until you mentioned the bank. I heard about that all the way over here in Canada :)
We get left off maps…often!
I live in Shetland - we sometimes get left off the maps of our own country (UK)!
What’s that island again? Tanzania? No… Tazmania? Yes, that must be the one.
New Tasmania!
We have the same prices as the rest of the EU but our salaries are 1/5 (considering currency conversion too), Romania
Netherlands - capitalist water germans
Canada - Europe without the culture
Québec tries (albeit aggressively) but the rest of Canada tells them to stop with “we don’t do that here”
For some reason this comment made me think of this scene from Canadian Bacon
We’re basically just diet America
The Pepsi to America’s Coke. Anyone who isn’t a fan of either can’t tell them apart, and you’d be hard-pressed to get an accurate account from the fans of what actually is different, but damned if either one will admit that they’re pretty similar.
Our last child torture camp shut down in 1997.
Ouch. Better late than never?
Snob and so far incapable of officially facing our colonial past
That feels unfair though because I like to see the best in people. But I did the assignment
Sorry man. You did.
Closed for repairs until Jan 2028.
A bit optimistic to think the repairs will be done by then, ain’t it?
The scaffolding will never be removed again… like every building in NYC.
God Bless America. …someday.
Welcome to ?: Closed for repairs until Jan 2028.
Almost certainly the US.
