I do. Happened a couple of months after moving in with my boyfriend. We were both still getting used to our new bed or at least, I was. It still wasn’t “mapped” in my brain.
We were getting frisky one day and we decided to have some fun. We were making out and he was slowly inching me towards the edge of the bed. I was facing him, kissing him, not looking at the bed. As soon as he thought I was close enough to the bed, he grabbed me and basically lovingly threw me on the bed…
…except that I wasn’t close enough 😂. My tailbone and the hard, wooden bed frame made contact…and I was in a lot of pain.
I didn’t hear any cracks, which was good, but it hurt like hell. He took me to the hospital where a young male doctor saw me. He asked me to explain what had happened, so I said, beet red and with embarrassment written all over my face:
Me: “I…h-hit my butt on the w-wooden bed frame…” (blushes and hides face in hands)
Him: “You…hit your…butt? On the bed frame?”
And he looked at me with this expression…it was a mix of “Are you crazy?” while also trying to stop himself from laughing, holding on for dear life trying to stay professional. Looking back now, it was fucking hilarious 😂. I ended up getting an X-ray of my pelvis and I was just fine. But damn was I pissed at my bf for a while, for putting me through that 🤣
Another one I have is shorter and probably not as amusing, but here goes. We were visiting Prague together, staying at one of my bf’s friend’s. His apartment had a shower. Magical, cause we only have a bathtub and it sucks ass.
Anyway, sometime during the evening, we decided to have some fun, and of course we wanted to take advantage of the spacious, comfortable shower instead of our cramped, small bathtub. So we get in, he’s behind me and we start going at it. Both of my hands are on the wet wall, which did not offer much in the way of support. This position, combined with my bf’s enthusiastic thrusts and also all of the wet and slippery surfaces soon caused me to lose balance…which would have probably been fatal in that situation.
Naturally, I got a massive adrenaline rush and quickly grabbed onto the faucet for support, to stop myself from falling. However, with that jolt of adrenaline came lots of tension…and with my bf still inside of me, I squeezed him HARD. He almost cried out, from surprise and also the sudden, hard, unrelenting SQUEEZE.
We had to stop after that, because I didn’t want to risk falling again and my bf wasn’t in the mood anymore. He later told me that I “Almost bit his dick off”, which is a funny way to put it 😂. We both had a laugh about it later, but in the moment, he was NOT pleased lol
I’m interested in hearing your experiences tho. Please share what you feel comfortable with ❤️
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I have a specifically not NSFW one, but it feels relevant anyway. My wife was about to get ready for work, and while I can’t remember exactly what lead to it, there was some kind of “betcha can’t catch me” chase from the kitchen to the bedroom that was not sexual in nature, that’s just where her work clothes were. Well, to punctuate her victory she leaps onto the bed for a diving finish, including a rotation so she’d come down on her back like a high-jump. Majestic.
Well, it would have been, if she’d not overshot a bit and smashed the back of her head off the edge of the headboard… Hard.
We go to the hospital because she’s got a concussion, and when they ask how this happened, and you answer that she whacked her head really hard against a headboard, it opens up a whole new category of questions! The kind that involve me being asked to leave the room so we could answer the questions separately, just in case she had a different answer when I’m not present in the room with her… 😅
The concussion was bad enough she needed a bunch of time off work, so naturally friends and family are concerned and have questions! Questions like “oh wow, that sounds pretty bad, how did it happen?”. And, like, it’s pretty hard to give an answer of “she banged her head really hard on the headboard with me before work” without people getting really squinty and blushy 😛
So it’s not sexual! Honest! It just really really sounds like it…
My ex was always much funnier than me. But we first established a raport through sharing reddit humor (the unfunniest of jokes) including that one famous story about the guy who attempted to talk dirty when requested by his girlfriend to “be kind of mean” and he called her a slur for disabled people.
During our first time together my ex decides to start cracking jokes to punctuate our palpable anxiety and sets me up with “Talk dirty to me Chaunticleer”
I can’t just repeat the reddit joke but I have autism and I’m slow off the cuff so I lean in and whisper “George Bush did 9-11”
Without missing a beat she pulled me closer and demanded “Crash your airplane into my towers”
We’re pretty unfunny but both have the quality of managing our uncomfortable feelings by just staying the stupidest thing that pops into our brain
One time a former partner and I were doing it in the morning. Sunlight streaming through the window. They’re on top. Everything’s great.
They’re on their period. They dismount. Some combination of biology and physics made my dick like slap back toward my stomach, and flick a huge splatter of blood into the air. In my mind it went in slow motion, shimmering and roiling through the sunlight until it hit the wall. I was like “holy shit that was amazing!!”
They were really embarrassed and ran off to the bathroom.
One time I was walking through our production floor and saw a 20 ton crane where the wire rope wasn’t in the grooves on the cable spool while the crane had a 15 ton ladle of molten iron hanging from it. Definitely not safe for work. What was funny is that the safety guy was the crane operator that night because they were short staffed, and I was the backup.
Wow, that’s a “not safe for work” situation if I’ve ever heard of one 😆
Cats find it entertaining and might decide to play.
Nooo, do not the cat 😭
not safe for work, huh?
and the funny one:
videos are from some years ago
If I think of one I’ll edit this but I wanted to at least come and say it’s cool to know we have some women on Lemmy. I always got the impression this place was a boys club
I’m trans and I have crippling self-confidence issues, so I was originally gonna say something along the lines of “I don’t count”.
But, even if you didn’t mean it that way…thanks. You made my day a little brighter ♥️definitely didn’t mean to offend. i might be the most boring cis white male, but i still believe gender is fluid.
Nope. None. Every single one of my many sexual experiences has been executed flawlessly to the extreme enthusiasm of my numerous partners.
Wow. Someone’s boasting about being good in bed :3
(Not meant to be offensive, sorry if it sounded that way)
My wife and I were getting frisky with the TV on in the background. Then this skit from SNL came on…
Source: YouTube https://share.google/gvSPG9KaGKSAHDV3O
Couldn’t keep it together and had to stop playing till it was over.
Similar situation with the movie Step Brothers in the background, and it got to the “Boats and Hoes” scene.
Not me, but a lady friend I was dating in my 20s was having sex with this guy. He missed and poked her taint. She said she started singing “I’ve lost that loving feeling”.
I once met a girl at a party and things went so well and so fast that when I took her to the bedroom, I invited her sister to join us.
That’s because the girl was black-out drunk and I wanted to put her to bed, in the custody of her sister, so that I could leave.
Waow 👀
That’s…just wow. It’s very sweet of you and you did the right thing ♥️. The sad thing is, I’m sure plenty of people would have taken advantage of the situation…Thanks for sharing 🩷
That was a short roller coaster
Hooked up with a girl as a one night stand kinda thing. Started making out and she slid down her hand to grab my dick. In a sexy voice she says “ooooo soooo big”. I instantly started laughing. My dick is fine it’s absolutely doesn’t warrant a statement like that. She started laughing too and we both acknowledged “so big” was a stretch. Rest of the night went well.
LOL, that made me laugh quite a bit
This is totally unwarranted, but I respect your…idk, humility ig?
I personally know lots of guys that would just blindly agree with that statement or even vehemently make it themselves, despite the actual reality of their junk…Nice story tho and I’m glad the rest of your night went well ♥️
Did you copy/paste this from a previous post? I think I read this one word for word some time ago.
edit: nvm, it was linked earlier.
My girlfriend and I were on vacation with another couple, sharing a hotel room. For privacy we banged in the bathroom. I picked her up and fucked her against the wall. Hot, a good time was had by all.
When we finished though, we were shocked to see a lot of blood smeared all over the wall. Apparently the tile had scratched my girlfriend’s lower back up. She didn’t feel it at the time but it made a huge mess.
Ouch, I’m sorry for your girlfriend! Sounds like someone did a bad job building the tile wall. I really hope she was okay after that…
Whoever tiled the wall did a piss poor job. And the tiles were not safe, if it managed to cut skin that deep.
No, you have to be having sex to get those.
Indeed you do 😂
you should masturbate in public more often if you want to be embarrassed.
I was once going down on a girl while I was sitting in the front seat of a van. So, I guess, really she was going UP on me?
She got really into it at one point and bucked hard against my face but in the moment it was brushed off as nothing.
Until she was done and looked down to see my face completely covered in blood and freaked out thinking she had her period. “luckily” It was just my poor busted nose gushing like a gunshot wound…
Damn, that’s quite something! I appreciate your commitment tho. Even a broken nose didn’t stop you from satisfying your partner, that’s actually pretty admirable! ♥️
but in the moment it was brushed off as nothing
Torally get that! In the moment, back pain or scratches or even exhaustion…it all just fades into the background, at least for me, as I focus on doing my best for my man.
That’s quite an experience. I hope your nose is alright…thanks for sharing!
