I cook at home because of restaurant prices and tip culture. Driving everywhere sucks. Everything feels miles away so good luck walking.
Fuck if I know. I volunteer. I joined a community choir. I am mildly social at the coffee shop. There’s a local bar/restaurant with picnic table seating and the culture is you can talk with anyone you are seated by as long as you’re civil. People still go to churches. There’s PTAs and stuff for your kids. Just a few ideas.
Sell the car. Move into a tiny 3br apartment with roommates in a walkable city.
Date your roommate’s friends. They’ll date yours.
Change roommates occasionally.
The internet and being willing to move cross country
Meet people: hobby or spiritual community are the two big ones most people meet a partner at. Look up cheap hobbies in particular something like a walking club.
Cheap places to take a girl:
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fish around in conversations for her favorite food. Pick the prettiest spot within walking distance. Pick somewhere out of the way but visible to passerby like the edge of a park. Check the calendar for favorable weather. Bring a blanket, that favorite food, and anything needed to make the environment comfy like an umbrella.
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if it’s just not the time of year for favorable weather book a library or community center presentation room and in addition to food fish around in convos for a favorite movie. Still bring a large blanket and push the tables and wheely chairs out of the way.
Any partner who finds effort over cash undesirable is just not a good fit for your life right now.
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Imagine finding the perfect partner, getting married, moving in together etc.
Now that you’re married and that’s all settled, where do the two of you go for fun? Where do the two of you go to get out of the house?
Go there.
Shit fuck i don’t go anywhere with my wife. I’m gonna suck at dating
That’s when people stop going outside and having friends. are you nuts
good question, it’s not been going well for me
Always gonna plug disc sports when threads like this pop up. Ultimate Frisbee is fun and if you live in even a minor city there’s usually a rec league to join. Has the best culture of any sport IMO, full of the chilliest most accepting people who are always looking for more people to join and with rec leagues people will sometimes go out to the bar after to hang out.
Disc golf is also great for meeting people if you’re not as into cardio. Can join tournaments and they’ll usually pair you up with people. Or just go solo to the course and occasionally someone else will offer to let you join their round or if you’re waiting with another solo at a hole you can offer to let them join you.
Both are also very cheap activities, Frisbee you just need cleats and to pay ~$50 for a rec league season. Disc golf is basically free once you get discs.
yeah but not everyone likes sports or the cultures around them.
when i was younger i did some frisbee but i wasn’t down with the alcoholism associated with it. i liked drinking, but i didn’t want to go out to a bar and get shitfaced after every event.
You don’t need to get shitfaced at a bar. 1 drink per hour is under the legal limit for driving. I find it’s enough to loosen up and if you politely decline further drinks nobody will bother you. And if they’re pushy order a sprite with a twist on the rocks. So it looks like you’re drinking alcohol but really you’re staying sober
I suppose thats the point of recommendations, they aren’t telling you you have to get into sports.
This is my problem with meeting people, only I don’t like to drink (or smoke for that matter). The smell drives me insane so I don’t even like being around people who do it unless I’m getting paid for it.
Best answer I’ve ever had for this was ‘find something to support.’ It can be anything. Just find a space where you have people trying to do something for the benefit of others with some bare minimum cost of entry. The group coming from people trying to help others will bias it toward nicer people. The cost of entry, even something small like $5/mo or physically present volunteering, deters anonymous trolling.
The other good option is classes. Doing things to improve your skills in something is generally worthwhile anyway, but it also puts you in contact with other people who share an interest.
Volunteer. Audition for community theater. Get a job. Join a hiking group. Take an adult learning class. Download a dating app. Get yourself out there.
it’s a good way to meet new people. i do many of those things. none of them are good for meeting young single women.
where i live young single women are entirely focused on hanging out in bars, restaurants, and traveling. They don’t do hobbies or volunteering. the women who do that stuff are usually older or married or lesbian.
You have to consider: Do you actually want to meet a young woman who hangs out in bars, restaurants and airports? Spend all night talking about her Gucci bag from Dubai or some shit?
If those are the options you have, I’d choose the old married lesbian any day.
No, you simple be alone and be happy pursuing your life rather than trying being with someone who looks down on you for not caring about Gucci bags and doing having a happy and socially positive life that isn’t about crass materialism.
Traveling - notoriously not a hobby.
I was responding to OP asking about friends and relationships, so not just “young single women.” But I did also say try a dating app. Singles is pretty much all those are for.
Obviously no one can give you town-specific suggestions but are bars and restaurants the only things women do you where you live? I’d be very surprised if that’s true.
This guy does not hold women in very high esteem. I doubt he knows much at all about what women actually do and enjoy.
I didn’t say it above but I completely agree. He sounds about half an inch from using the word “females” at some point.
What do you enjoy doing that’s not work and not “adulting”?
Find a hobby. Then find a group that shares that hobby. Clean up a park day, maybe.
Or find a charity or nonprofit that needs volunteers.
The local library probably has things going on, too.
Find a third space whether it’s the magic the gsthering shop and shop tournies or church or a knitting circle ran by the local yarn shop.
Museums too. There are a decent number that have “adults night” now.
That’s a great suggestion! They also tend to host specific exhibits and events that give good opportunities to meet people with similar interests.
Plus they’re just fun. One in a small city by me has an exhibit on local glass manufacturing techniques from the previous turn of the century and how some were invented locally, comparing them to ceramic techniques from across the globe and time. Absolutely fascinating stuff.
Work and hobbies
This might go without saying but to add to this you need to find a place to meet up with people with those hobbies somehow. I had hobbies but wasn’t meeting anyone since I just did those hobbies alone. You essentially need to find a “3rd place” and hobbies is one way to achieve that. However you can also do things like volunteer and other things to find that 3rd place.
Work and shared hobbies. I recently went to buy some hardwood from a work colleague. We don’t even work the same shift but they’re fond of asking what I’m building or showing me what they’re building because who else are they going to talk to about their hobby (I imagine).
We’re not friends, but there’s this hobby. I get there and it’s not a mere business transaction nor do we talk work. It almost had a kid feel to it. Like when you crossed the hedge to the yard of the kid next door and he welcomes you because it’s more fun if you can show off and share your toys. Only as adults. Kudos on reclaiming a small piece of that.
Adulthood is such a roadblock sometimes.
Being an adult is hard, in so many different ways.
I miss kindergarten.
Naps, cookies, juice boxes, why did we ever stop that?
I just woke up from a nap, and now I’m eating cookies. Don’t have any juice boxes on hand tho; a can of cola will have to do.
I love being an adult. It’s amazing.
I absolutely hated Kindergarten. Being subjected to the whims of clueless adults is miserable.
At least in Kindergarten I didn’t know they were clueless. Now I’m an adult subjected to their whims and know they’re unstoppable idiots.
Being subjected to the whims of clueless adults is miserable.
Sounds exactly like adult life with a job when you phrase it that way.
as an adult you can choose a job where you don’t have to do that. I have one boss and he’s competent.
If you genuinely believe this (i personally think you’re trolling), then you need to take a step back, look at your situation, and recognize how privileged you are.
A significant amount of problems in the world would be helped by The Privileged recognizing that their life is not representative of the lives of everyone else.
That is not a choice that everyone can make.
yeah it is. nobody is forcing you to work a crappy job you don’t like, other than yourself.
lots of people choose that life, and pretend like they don’t have any other choice. and settle into a life of bitterness and anger and usually a toxic coping mechanism that deprives them of what little disposable income they do have. like alcohol, gambling, or similar.
if you want to improve your life you have to give up the coping mechanisms, save your money, and invest in yourself. but that is hard and most would rather daydream about a big magic pile of money falling from the sky.
Many people live in towns with fewer than five companies, with poor internet access. Many people have to keep odd schedules because of family care obligations. Many people are functionally illiterate. Many people have criminal convictions. There are a lot of things that can limit your ability to leave a job you already have.
Many people do accept work conditions worse than they have to, but not every worker is flexible enough to choose their work.
yeah but cookies and juicy boxes.
who is stopping you from going to the store and buying cookies and juice boxes?
Coed recreational sports team. Lots of them are mostly social with a little bit of sports tossed in. And almost all of them are looking for more players.
Bouldering is the goat sport for this. Lots of little downtime in between routes which leaves room for talking. But you also always have something to talk about and compliment etc.
You simply don’t—you die alone.
Enjoy. 👌
Don’t give him hope. You can alone for years, decades even while death laughs and refuses to do it’s damn job.
“Sorry, you’re too lonely to take. I’ll getcha the moment you find a modicum of happiness with another human being, I promise. I got you boo!”
I’m guessing you don’t want to hear “the bar”.
Hobby groups. For board games, hiking, sports, etc.
You already have a shared interest, makes things easier.
This is how I did it. You just have to find the like minded individuals and put in the time to get to know them. I did it through meetup.com some, word of mouth of events from other friends, and just talking a chance and talking to someone who seemed chill from work. Some of my best friends now.
I hope Mayberry is nice grandpa. This isn’t the world anymore. If it was you wouldn’t be reading this post.
This has been just over the past couple years for me. It absolutely still is the world if you aren’t a jackass
Every comment you made in this post has basically been agism wrapped in a cultural mask. I get you’re mad at your parents but you’re also going to be old someday whether you like it or not.
It’s also just that it’s easier to talk to people while doing things. Chatting over a task/project/activity is kinda just what people do
True! Making friends out of strangers isn’t really all that difficult, but it does take some practice in being a normal human being and talking to people you just run into.
The sense of community in America is really dying out hard as people isolate themselves further in their little islands of homes and apartments and only socially exist online. But it is possible to just chat with some person you meet in the park while going for a walk without being a weirdo, just many people have forgotten how.
There’s a group of guys I meet up with in the warmer months to fish for bass under a bridge. How’d I meet them? I was fishing for trout in a lake and one of em asked if I had any bites. We had a normal chat between fishers, asking about what we’re targeting, what kinda bait and lures we’re using, comparing successes and failures. I peppered in some info about myself, e.g. mentioned a local noodle bar I liked, mentioned my partner, he did the same, we felt we were similar enough, he invited me to join him and his friends and now we meet up every couple of weeks between April and October.
You just gotta talk to people and not make it weird.
Yeah, it’s a difficult and scary skill to learn, and it begins with the much maligned small talk. Small talk is just easy ways to feel out another person so you might become more comfortable with each other. You just practice it with strangers until you’re comfortable doing it in general, and from there you can move to get better at conversing. It really is just a skill people can learn.
Plenty of people here are social. They just are not open to meeting new people, new ideas, let alone people that are different than them.
They want everyone everything to be the same. That’s what is super weird to me, personally. They get super hostile to you once they realize you aren’t like them, even if you are polite and kind.
I’ve had people try to start physical fights with me the past couple of years over differences of opinion or hobbies. That never happened to me ever in my life until recently. It sucks. The hostility is intense in a way that it never was before.
“I’ve had people try to start physical fights with me the past couple of years over differences of opinion or hobbies.” “No woman from a dating app has ever wanted to be my friend unless she was trying to get in my pants and I wasn’t into her.”
Do you think maybe there’s a common denominator here?
I found bars full of people with self abuse issues.
Then the other things seem more useful for you in particular.
