Not necessarily unhinged, per se, but I knew a former very high ranking military IED specialist who would sweep the white house and places where the president would be going to before they showed up, every chance he got he bare ass farted on the Bush’s pillows.

He ended up being a pretty shitty guy, but I’m still going to give him Chad points for that one.

Literally yesterday I had a medical professional in a professional setting tell me they could just drink pure fish sauce.

I couldn’t say anything to keep from laughing. I still don’t even know what to say to that.

I had someone tell me on a first date that they’ve been in love with their younger sister since they were teenagers. There was no second date.

“Stop thinking so much”

• random professor walking by me

I was watching Young Frankenstein with some friends in college in a secluded part of the student center and some rando came up to us and told us, in great detail, about how her cousin raped her repeatedly when they were younger.

Young Frankenstein was ruined for me and I still can’t watch it a decade later.

I think I’ve heard more unhinged things that the one I’m about to mention, but the others are from drunk randos making shit up or over sharing I don’t know. The one that really hit me is not as crazy but it still pisses me off to this day and it is far more serious than that drunk guy telling me about how he used to masturbate on the backseats of all buses he could get into.

I’ve had an issue with my legs since birth, nothing bad and in fact went unnoticed most my life. Just how my knees are built. Never caused a problem until in my twenties I started getting into the gym. A bad trainer (student doing practice) in a gym recommended me some exercise after I asked for something to change the routine. Long story short, I fucked up my knees, even longer story shorter, a doc specialized in legs and specifically knees told me my options, from which the most reasonable at the time was surgery. Surgery for both knees, 1 first, then recovery then the other. A total of two year plan for it.

Mind you the problem was a physical one about the angle of the bones in my knees. A long time friend of my parents, who works as a researcher and teacher of biology in the university of my city called for whatever reason and my mother told of my leg problem.

This person decided that it was excruciatingly important to ask that the phone is passed to me, to tell me not to go to surgery. Risky, dangerous, and completely unnecessary, when I can have a completely safe alternative. Take some homeopathy pills they said, that will get your knees fixed without issues. I was so shocked coming from that person… Mind you I was in my twenties, so not an entire idiot, and I knew a bit about homeopathy… Having read “bad science” by Ben Goldacre (highly recommended by the way) and got into a spiral of alternative shit and research on the stupidest things people get into. I even have an official diploma from Boiron that they basically gave to anyone who cared to answer some answers right about homeopathy back in the day and that it was incredibly easy to hack (wrong answer? Click back and you could try again, in fact the points for the diploma were stored in plain sight in a cookie that never got reset, I ended up with like 120 points out of 50, there were only 5 questions by the way). No security needed as it had no fucking value like the rest of homeopathic stuff. Or is it less security means more secure in homeopathic terms?

Any way, I’m getting derailed, this fucking person tries to sell me into the homeopathic shit to fix the angle of my knees… I was so shocked I couldn’t even answer. Just said “okbye”, gave the phone away, and asked my parents to never ever put me in the same room with that idiot. It’s been manybyears now and so far I’ve succeeded in avoiding ever seeing or hearing of that person.

I once sat a bar, having a drunk chat with a guy, who went from your basic “you know what would fix the world? Fluffier dogs!” type talk into “you straight women have it easy, you never have to control yourself when there’s some sexy 14 year old chick around”.

I was far too drunk to give him the proper reaction, but I wasn’t nearly too drunk to get the fuck out.

I own a bar and before we opened I reached out to one of those novelty vending machine companies that sells weird stuff and gags. The guy came down to meet to discuss the design of the machine etc, super nice guy. His daughter came too, she was an artist and was going to paint the machine. They sent mockups and got to work, everything seemed good to go ahead of our opening.

A week before we open, I reach out to see when they want to install it and I get no reply. I try again a few days later and get a very formal message to the effect of “we’re super sorry but we’re not going to be able to pursue this opportunity at this time, best of luck”. I’m pissed that time was wasted, the machine was finished, I had seen final pictures with our logo and design etc. I figured maybe they got some bigger offer from like the local stadium to install a machine that they couldn’t pass up.

Months go by, I’ve found another company that’s working on a new machine for us. Original guy texts me “hey, are you at the bar, I’d love to stop by and explain what happened.” I start to tell a customer at the bar about what happened and I’m like, I don’t wanna talk to this guy in my mind, and I look up, and he’s standing outside the bar in the rain. He comes in, and he looks like he’s been to hell and back.

He’s so different this time, very soft spoken, tail between his legs vibes. He apologizes and said they had a family issue that prevented them from moving forward, but they working on getting back on track. I feel bad and trying to be empathetic, and then the guy goes, “I’m sorry, but my wife just didn’t want me working with you because of David.”

“Who the fuck is David?” I reply. “David Devolla” he says. I have no idea who he’s talking about. I’ve never met his wife, or this David person. Then he goes “wait, can I ask you a weird question? Are you straight?” “Yeah man…”

“GOD DAMNT, SHE DID IT AGAIN” he said. I’m so confused right now. He then proceeds to tell me that his wife has been battling psychosis and having major mental issues. Apparently, this David guy was her former boss that fired her, and even though I’ve never met her, or David, and am straight, she was convinced I was having a secret gay affair with David and told her husband he wasn’t allowed to do business with me. What the actual fuck. Dude started creeping me out big time. He came in again a week later and told me he was driving to Vegas the next morning to marry his wife because even though he said they were married, they never actually were, and he believed doing so would fix her mental state. I follow them on Instagram still and I can tell you, it did not. She posts the absolute weirdest nonsensical things and it’s honestly entertaining to watch but also sad as hell. Bullet dodged, the new company is so so much better, but yikes all around. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

When I was 16 my mom got drunk and told me that she was waiting until I graduated high school to leave my father. It’s worth noting that I’m the oldest child, I’d been playing therapist for both parents since I was young, and somehow mom wasn’t the parent that ruined that vacation.

One of the saddest aspects of my life is that she never got to actually leave (cancer diagnosis right before leaving)

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your dad likes to watch.

I had a psychologist tell me at 13 that boys my age shouldn’t be interested in sex.

Christmas about 4 years ago, my brother went completely around the bend.

His house was the place for our family, my sister-in-law’s family and some family friends to meet for Christmas. Just before Christmas that year he started texting me about Rittenhouse and how he admire the guy for defending himself. Fast forward to when we were at his house, he would only talk about how important the 2nd amendment was, how he admired Rittenhouse, and to top off the shit cake he admitted to being member of the Oathfuckers, breakers… Whatever those fucking idiots call themselves.

He was aggressive about how his worldview was correct and that I did not know what I was talking about. He had been ramping up his power plays over me the past couple of years and I just let it go to wait to see what his “big” play was going to be. Apparently this was it. He even attempted to rewrite family history as well. We had a paternal uncle that died in the Battle of Leyte gulf and I knew well the family history and did a bit of research on my own to discover what really happened to him. World War II records are not exactly state secrets any longer. Well, because my brother was a big wig at the Veteran’s Administration and had all kinds of government clearances yada yada yada, HE had the real scoop, which conflicted somewhat with what I had read.

My god you would have thought I shot his dog he was so pissed when I attempted to speak about what I had learned. To this day I don’t know what his play there was, it was just utterly bizarre.

His final power play was he TOLD me, not asked, but TOLD me he was going to teach my two boys about guns and how to shoot. I had to tell him FOUR FUCKING TIMES that NO, HE wasn’t teaching my kids shit about weapons.

My wife works in Pediatrics… That’s not going to fly. Not to mention I’ve already given them instruction on how to handle firearms in case they come across them for what ever reason. They can pick a gun up, check the safety and clear the chamber of both automatics and revolvers. Sure, they may not be able to shoot the dick off a fly at 400 billion yards, or strip clean and reassemble a 1911 in under 3 seconds blind folded, under water with depth charges going off less than 6 inches away while humming the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”. But they can keep themselves and those around them safe.

Needless to say that was when I punched the big red button and went nuclear on our relationship. Our father died about 2 years after the above event and I had not been in contact with my brother, or my Dad. Dad was being taken care of by this brother, so when I cut that relationship, so did my relationship with my Dad… Which honestly his attitude was going much the same direction anyway. I didn’t even go to Dad’s funeral… Which was completely bizarre.

You see our Dad was in the Navy for 4 years back in the 1950’s. Dad talked about that time and he seemed to have liked his time in the Navy, but it just something he did to get out of his small hometown in West Virginia. It was never a career goal and he spent his entire time as a medic. To see my Dad’s funeral you would have thought that his entire life was spent in the military. My brother made it an entirely military funeral with troops, 21 shots and the whole thing. I understand the military does this for all veterans and I don’t have a problem with it, except my Dad didn’t identify as being a military person AT ALL. He was in the Navy 70 years prior and while he would tell stories and use his medic training on occasion, it was never a part of his personality.

Needless to say I’m very glad I live 400 miles away from what is left of my original immediate family. I miss my sister-in-law as she is a very sweet and caring person and their son. I really wanted my boys to know their cousin… Oh well.

Probably not the most unhinged but a few weeks ago a coworker told me that Trump is the only president in history whose net worth went down after becoming president.

He’s not FAR right so I usually hear him out and use kid gloves to counter his arguments but I involuntarily replied, “are you out of your fucking mind?!”

My bio father just passed away. I was talking to his best friend of 45 years, basically his brother, and he casually dropped he was raped as a boy. I had asked about my fathers sister, because a lot of that family is scattered and a mess, the daughter of the sister “something happened” is all I know. And he said molestation, and then that he too, was molested by a man as a boy. I was really proud of the 68 year old mam telling me that.

But fucking, add it to the list. Men need a fucking ‘me too’ because I know so, so, many.

The Aunt that never finished elementary school once told me:

“I don’t believe in evolution, because I didn’t believe a baby could be born smarter than its parents”

I was 10-13 years old at the time and just didn’t have the patience to deal with that level of stupid.