Assuming sex with another person is not an option. What are some good ways to release or divert sexual frustration?
After years of sexual frustration & disappointments, the pattern became a permanent set of learned helplessness, I went insane and learned life isn’t fair, and slowly spiralled into insular isolated rotting away.
Even now, three men keep texting me for booty calls but they’re too late. Loneliness is so deep now, nobody can pull me out. And booty calls are an insult to my dignity & long-term needs for meaningful human companionship.
Take the booty calls. It’s step one in pulling yourself back out, not the end game. Nothing wrong with taking care of your needs, sounds like that’s what they’re doing. Feeling wanted, even just for a one-nighter is a solid way to start building confidence back. Been there, done this.
I gave up on dating a while back. Nothing but red flags out there. Fleshlights are the answer. I’ve got way more time to spend on hobbies by not dating. Some people may think it’s sad and pathetic, but my life is peaceful and mostly stress free. So I’m good with it.
good for you. i gave up dating like 6 years ago and my life improved massively.
the worst thing that ever happened to me was having girlfriends. all they did was make every issue in my life worse, and cause issues where there were not. funny thing about life being single is that… i have no issues or problems and most of my goals wer easily achievable without someone nagging me and telling me how awful/stupid my goals are.
sex was nice. i miss it. but the bullshit that i had to deal with to get sex was just… ruining my life emotionally, financially, and health wise.
and everytime i try to date again… it’s the same crap. being told that I’m stupid/wrong/bad and should change my entire life to meet her preferences. or being told that i am a project boyfriend because i’m not a globe trotting, fashion forward, multi millionaire that every woman i meet seems to think is what she ‘deserves’.
I just bought myself a Hismith and, well, it solved a lot of problems. Now, how to tell my wife I’m leaving her for a clanker.
You know the old saying: Six wanks a day keeps the sex drive away.
Lift weights
Find someone running a service or a company for that.
Sex workers exist. Pay and treat them well.
Masturbation.
With a couple fingers in your ass.
Thanks!
Always here for an assist.
Masturbate.
Then once that is out of the way, go ahead and start working on whatever it is that is stopping you from boning.
Well, I just don’t feel ready to have a connection and I am not into casual sex.
Increasingly long masturbation sessions since I was 13 or so did the trick for me. Now if I only could somehow undo that as well.
Try new stuff, get some toys.
Other than jorking it? Hobbies. It’s crazy the shit you’ll make when you’re fueled by lust and channel that in to something.
Also as someone who gets suspicious of the self help industrial complex it’s not a bad motivator for doing initial self improvement measures. Much of the societal mandate to grow is based on us perceiving ourselves as “not enough” and I think “I’m horny” is actually a way better reason to pick up a new skill or try to build muscle. As long as you know that doesn’t actually lead to sex but do it anyway.
How do you channel hornyness into something that isn’t sexual?
Arnold Schwarzenegger compares going to the gym with sex: “It’s like I’m coming day and night!”
For me I did things that were physically active. I might just be weird but I think since we evolved to be hunter gatherers our bodies probably equate most physical exercise to libido on some level. Like, if you run really hard and use your hand-eye coordination then Grug will let you smash.
I’ve heard creatives describe their work as libidinous too though, but in more abstract ways like using art to capture the sensuality of something like the ocean. I can’t attest to that personally but I definitely can feel it in music composition.
Learn to play the flute?
Crank that hawg until ya bleed, then once more for luck
Take a trip to Hamburg or Amsterdam.
Write, sketch, compose, sculpt, sing,… use that (fucking, obviously) energy toward anything creative you’re interested in.
Frustration is incredibly negative, sexual frustration more than anything else, but it’s also like owning one’s personal nuclear power plant as long as one is willing to learn how to use it to actually do stuff.
I’ve heard of this concept of turning sexual energy into productivity. It has never worked for me. If I’m feeling horny, it just distracts me from doing other things. I’ve never been, like, cleaning my house and been like “thank god I have this RAGING BONER right now! I’m SO PRODUCTIVE!!!”
If I am any more productive when I don’t have regular sexual partners, it is almost certainly purely becauss I’m not… spending time with them. After all, jerking off is way faster than texting, going on a date, coming back home, and boning all night long.
I think it comes down to finding the specific activities that allow you actually channel this, which are likely different between folks.
I mostly hear about it in terms of physical exertion (working really hard at the gym, sporting particularly hard, whatever) or artistic expression. Dunno that cleaning your house does it for most people (though it might for some, particularly if you go hard and fast enough that it meets the physical exertion criteria).
Trying to find stuff like that for myself - not because there’s anything wrong with a daily jork, but because a weekly to bi-weekly jork is fucking awesome.
To each their own, quite certainly.
I focus more on being regular than being highly productive, to be honest so what follows may not apply to everyone. I consider writing a good page every single day of the year, all year long without exception, will get me a lot farther than, say, writing a chunk of those pages here and there when I feel like it or when I have a bon… furious desire to write them (I seldom have any ‘furious’ anything regarding writing or anything creative, but I have the habit of doing it every day). That single daily page, most of the time, will also require a lot less editing afterward (not even mentioning the dreaded complete rewrite when they’re complete garbage)—lazy-me talking, here.
What I wanted to say was that this energy trapped in (sexual) frustration one can learn to use it, but this really needs to be learned as it won’t happen out of the blue, as a a real fuel tank/battery one can use everyday to do actual (creative) work on the long run. Not to burst out some piece of art in an intense moment of… exaltation ;)
