People don’t need any advanced CIA techniques to control the way you think and feel; Plenty of ‘normal’ abuse tactics can achieve this over time - arguably, control is the entire point of abuse.

The way you’re questioning yourself alarms me. You’re likely being abused, and you need support. Please do whatever you can to get help. At the very least, read up on types of emotional abuse and their effects on victims. You’re not the only one.