Edit: ‘Chase’ in this phrase is not meant to be taken literally.
For some extra information on the quote: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassionate-feminism/202504/the-psychology-of-dont-chase-attract
Edit: ‘Chase’ in this phrase is not meant to be taken literally.
For some extra information on the quote: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassionate-feminism/202504/the-psychology-of-dont-chase-attract
Well in my case, there is this girl I like. I am not much of a flirt and even then I don’t really think flirting would work. So I’m just going to try to Attract rather then Chase in that sense.
You need to attract by being a well rounded person that does not neeeed someone, but you also need to make it obvious to your crush that you are interested.
Spending too much time acting cool and hoping that they will fall for you will fail when the next person is just honest about their feelings with the crush.
How will her knowing I like her make her feel differently?? That doesn’t make sense to me. I’m still me, I am not doing anything differently, I am still as “attractive” as I was before telling her. So I don’t see how it matters.
Edit: Granted, eventually I’ll have to tell her but that’s after hanging out a couple of times and she’s shown signs of liking me back
Showing her you’re interested isn’t about making you more attractive to her. It’s more about signalling that you’re receptive if she’s also attracted to you.
If she’s attracted and knows you’re attracted, the relationship can proceed.
If she’s attracted and doesn’t know you’re attracted, she’ll either be in the same position you’re in now, conclude that you only want to be friends, or move on to someone who’s attracted to her.
If she’s unattracted and knows you’re attracted, everyone can get in front of their feelings before you feel like you’re wasting your time or she feels like she’d be losing a friendship by not being romantically interested in you. The longer you withhold your feelings from her, the more difficult you can be making things for both of you.
All that said, I think it’s totally reasonable to hang out with her a few times to see if you like hanging out with each other first.
Girls are people, and people want to have fun. Be someone fun to hang out with. Don’t make chasing her your entire personality, because then you have no personality and she has no reason to speak with you.
Everything takes practice, even romance. It might not work this time, but you’ll be better at it next time.
Just be yourself. There must be something about her beyond being a girl that you find interesting. Don’t flirt, just be friendly, and if there’s a common bond it might go somewhere. Or not. But if you don’t do something and she doesn’t, then neither will know. This is coming from a heavy introvert who avoids people in general. It’s hard to get past that first step, but once you do (and you don’t force something to happen) it gets easier, and the relationship usually builds from the point where both are more relaxed and… being themselves.
Makes sense.