I (23M) am a broke online college student living with my parents. I have an abusive brother (25M) who also lives under the same roof.
My brother is a narcissist. He believes that he is the most important person in the universe. Boundaries and respect do not matter to him. He will hijack every conversation into being either constant self-aggrandizing or personal attacks and force me to repeat it back to him. He is physically violent when provoked and he has killed multiple animals by beating them to death with his bare hands. Unfortunately, he seems to consider “no” to be a provocation. He searches through all my stuff without permission and I’ve had to start being careful about what things I leave lying around.
My parents do not care about this. My father doesn’t because he’s the OG narcissist who passed it down to my brother and actively cheers for my suffering, and my mother doesn’t because she is the enabler who chose to stay married to my father and told me I had to suffer the abuse endlessly like she does.
I don’t have any irl friends because I have medical conditions that make it difficult for me to be outside on my own for extended periods of time. I also can’t drive because of that. It sucks. This isn’t to say it’s impossible for me to go out, but it’s hard and kind of risky (my condition can cause me to faint).
I have constantly been told to give up on being treated like a human being, but I have begun to recognize that my family is feeding me false narratives of hopelessness to keep me complacent and submissive. I surely have power, but my internalization of their narratives is obscuring the ways to exercise it.
What would you do in such a situation, or if you have been in a similar situation, what did you do?
EDIT: I live in the U.S.
I’m really sorry about your situation. That sounds awful. I know it sounds obvious, but you didn’t mention it, so I have to ask if you’ve tried calling the police or social services.
I haven’t. I’m worried that doing that would be taken as an act of aggression and would lead to retaliation.
Also, my brother hasn’t physically attacked me yet, not since we were teenagers. He’s just being threatening and intimidating right now. But I also know that he suffers from fits of uncontrollable rage and has the capacity to kill. In one episode where he killed his girlfriend’s cat, he said that he lost control of himself and started wailing on the poor animal. I haven’t heard of him doing any premeditated violence; it always seems to happen in the moment. But he doesn’t seem to feel remorse for his victims after the fact. There is also no criminal record of the things he has done.
There is something deeply wrong with him and I think that he is a ticking time bomb.
Maybe OP, you could call social services, not to do something against the brother, but to ask if there are any support programs you qualify for, that would get you out of the house? Given your health concerns maybe some form of assisted living? Or financial support so you are independent from your family, maybe move into a shared flat?
Another avenue may be the college’s counselor. Maybe they’ve got some more ideas on how to support you.
are there usually services for ADULTS that are not disabled(mentlaly or physically) that can otherwise be “independant”?
I’m not sure. That’s why I think talking to social services/ counselor could be beneficial. They know what programs are available where OP is living
What would you think the police or social services could do? They aren’t describing any criminal behavior, and they seem to be an adult with capacity, so I think both agencies would respond, take a look at the situation, then do nothing. Then they’d prob suffer retribution from their family
Beating animals to death is a crime most places, but calling the police about it would likely worsen OP’s situation.
LOL No, maybe in some few places on the surface of this planet…
Definitely depends on the animal. Most jurisdictions do have laws against abusing common domesticated animals
How do you prove it tho? Cops don’t care.