Two Tumblr posts by what-even-is-thiss. The first post reads “I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.“ The second post reads “Dearest Samantha, I do not know what a guinea pig is, but it sounds delicious. I hope you have fun devouring it, or playing with it, if that is your preference. Today I hacked a local computer to get more bubbles in my tank and took a photograph of an unsuspecting victim. Do let me know how your human activities are going. And if this “Karen” continues to antagonize your brother, l would suggest smacking her very hard. And do send more canned snacks. Best Wishes, Octopus #5, Monterrey bay research aquarium.”