I’ve had several conversations/arguments recently with my brother making clear my system of values and my hatred for the wealthy. He is nearly diametrically opposed on all accounts and often makes light of their actions. He goes so far as to say that poor people and people in need of social services should have to figure things out for themselves. He often defends Elon Musk and champions him for being self made.
He is getting married in a foreign country soon and I have been able to put aside our differences and have been planning on going
…up until yesterday that is. I asked him of his thoughts on Musk’s seig heil maneuver and he sent a right wing meme of democratic leaders caught mid wave, saying that “they did it first”. He continued to be avoidant and didn’t respond to me calling it a strawman.
In this moment it feels necessary to cancel my plans to send a message that this is not ok. Am I the (or an) asshole for not going to his wedding because of this?
Not going to a wedding after saying you would is effectively for this is effectively cutting him out of your life. If you are willing to cut him out of your life, don’t go to the wedding. It just sounds like a rash decision.
As far as the Musk thing goes: I won’t even get into whether or not Musk was really trying to do a Nazi salute. Personally, I don’t think he was, Musk denies it, plenty of Jewish people and Jewish advocacy groups also say they don’t think it was intentional. But the important thing is, your brother doesn’t think it was intentional. So, at worst, he has committed the crime of being naive, and there’s a very good chance that he’s right and you’re wrong. If he said, yes Musk did a Nazi salute on purpose and then defended that, that would be way over the line. But honestly he sounds like a pretty run of the mill libertarian/conservative. And I will die on the hill that the vast majority of libertarians and conservatives are good people, even if I disagree with them politically.
Skipping a wedding is not a good way to make a point. And it’s one you can’t undo.
My advice is to tell him you two need to have a difficult conversation later. But do so after the wedding. However much you disagree, you can always agree to just think the other is hella stupid and leave it at that.
Do you want the option to see your brother again? Mend bridges at some future point?
There are some things you can’t take back. I have a grandmother in law that skipped my wife and I’s wedding and we have not spoken to her since.
I don’t want right wing apologia in my life. I do not enjoy biting my tongue to avoid arguments. I understand why you wouldn’t either. But skipping a wedding is serious and maybe permanent damage to your relationship. If it will free you and leave you better off, don’t go. If you will regret it, probably go and do the best you can.
Honestly, and I already know I’m massively against the consensus here, but you should be the bigger man.
Tell your brother that you disagree with him but that he’s family, you’ll always love him and that you’re honoured to be a guest at his wedding.
If you want to draw a line and say “let’s not talk about politics though” or something like that, then absolutely do.
Don’t have all your family and his friends talk about how you’re refusing to attend because you had a fall out over politics, you’re not going to appear principled, you’re going to appear petty. You’ve made your point to your brother, now move on.
99.9% of these posts boil down to “should I do what I want with my own life?”
Yes, you should do what you want with your own life.
You can do whatever you want with your own life, but many of those things will make you an asshole.
The question posed is “will doing the thing I want to do make me an asshole”
Is being tolerant of assholes an asshole move?
Could be. Tolerance and assholes aren’t binary states, so it depends on the context what the measure is.
If someone intentionally steps on an ant at a funeral, and I decide I’m not going to let it slide and interrupt the eulogy to give an impassioned lecture about how needless killing is immoral, even if it’s an ant, I’d be an asshole.
If I saw some schoolyard bullies beating up a kid and I didn’t intervene I’d be an asshole.
“My brother calls me a moron and punches me in the dick every day and I don’t want to let him anymore, am I the asshole?”
“I waggle my dick in front of my brother and he punches it every time”
From OPs context, and they could certainly clarify, but it sounds like they just won’t shut up about class struggle, wealth inequality… For which for the terminally online there is an endless appetite for and you can find a cozy echo chamber to nuzzle up in.
So his brother doesn’t share the same views on Elon musk.ok. he obviously knows this by now. Why does he insist on asking about it? Why ask a question that has no bearing on either of your lives where if you don’t get an agreement on you’ll be so mad you’ll not go to their wedding when you know the answer ahead of time.
They’re both assholes. He shouldn’t go to the wedding but honestly based on the context as presented I don’t think the brother is going to be upset about it.
If that was really the case and if I was OP I’d go to that wedding, get absolutely shitfaced in the least amount of time my liver allows me to and let the shitshow begin.
There is no point in peaceful confrontation when the world is burning.
I would only not attend if it’s a financial burden. Don’t try to send a message. It won’t be heard. Simply assess if it is no longer worth your time and effort and let him know you aren’t interested in upending your life on his behalf.
If you’ve got the money and it isn’t a big deal to take a nice vacation, still attend the wedding. After the honeymoon, let him know you’re done with his ass.
Aside: I’m presently evaluating whether my mother and I will maintain a relationship. I’m extremely angry with her for voting this way yet again and I have concluded (based on the day-one exec orders) that she is partially a bad person because of her politics. I still love her, but I’ve had enough. If you’re going to hurt the world with your vote, I may not continue having you in my life.
I think you need to look at this differently. Look at it in the light of the event itself.
Will you enjoy going to the wedding? Will you enjoy your free time wherever this is before/after the wedding? Can you see yourself regretting not going? Will there be other like minded people to mingle with?
If the answer to those questions are no, then don’t go. But if the answers are yes, just go and enjoy yourself.
Your making this more complicated than it needs to be… you’re not the one marrying your brother.
You’re not the asshole. Your brother is the asshole for being a right winger.
Cheeto Hitler’s new term is gonna prompt a lot of people to perform a much needed purge of chuds in their social circle.
I think you should follow your heart and not some stranger on the internet.
No, I wouldn’t say you’re the asshole, whatever you decide.
As much as political differences matter, you will not change his mind by not going - but your relationships will get much, much more bitter, and it will be hard to rectify. Many people went through this mistake, and it costed them a lot.
Honor his wedding while keeping to your values. This event has nothing to do with them.
Nah, don’t go if you don’t want to. Family are just randomly assinged people you share the same genes with. If you don’t like them you don’t have to force yourself to like them in order to appease random strangers online.
If he truly is your family and loves you, like all the “nonono he family you cant do this to FAMILY” posters are saying, he will understand and not hate you. If he does, fuck him.
No offence but this is advice of a traumatized child. This is not how families should be and if this is yours, you need genuine therapy, definetly not giving others advice on family. Op do not listen to this
No offense, but this is advice from someone that’s not related to a rabbid wolverine with a toothache and a chemical imbalance. Some relatives are fucking nightmares, and no amount of tolerance is gonna change that. Walking away is sometimes the best for your mental health. Can confirm. My psycho sister disowning the whole family was the greatest gift she ever gave us.
OP, unless you’re in therapy and Shezzgrad is your licensed professional help, then ignore their advice.
You’re kinda making it clear your projecting your own family issues onto op as my original comment to you. I have a psycho sister too, thing is, there’s a difference between differences in thought and being a literal fucking psycho, psycho is sending is shattering the family at the drop of the hat because you feel slighted, thinking Elon is the coolest dude ever (he isn’t) isn’t the same level, things aren’t black and white.
OP, unless you’re in therapy and Shezzgrad is your licensed professional help, then ignore their advice.
When I said it originally I was being a dick, but I think you may want to genuinely consider therapy, family traumas can be everlasting and can really kick in later on in adulthood, your sister experience sounds similar to mine
So it’s not your professional opinion then, Dr.
When I said it originally I was being a dick, but I think you may want to genuinely consider therapy
I, too, was being a dick because you give advice like you’re intimately aware of the situation, when I’m guessing you are not. I’ve done therapy. Didn’t change the fact that I’m related to a person that would shove her kids into traffic if the mood suited. My ultimate point being that just because someone is a relative DOES NOT mean you need to keep them in your life.
And beyond saying i have a psycho sister, what gives you the impression that our experiences are similar? I didn’t give a single detail. Unless we compare notes, that’s just you basing an opinion on your experiences. Projecting, if you will.
You’re right in that this is not how families should be. They should be people you care about and trust.
Your family does get a pass for being family; you maybe don’t share the same interests or lifestyle that would otherwise form a distance in childhood friends that eventually fizzles out, but with families this shouldn’t be the case.
But then sometimes your family members end up (or you discover) they are bad people. Yet even then you may stand with them as they sell drugs or rob people or even have killed people; they’re still family and what they’ve done can be understandable even if wrong.
Then there are Nazis and Nazi sympathizers, apologists, and supporters.
Families should stick together, but people also shouldn’t be Nazis. So here we are.
Yes, this would be an asshole move for sure! You should leave politics behind at least for a day.
LOL. Elon is self made? Where did he get that from?
Did he conveniently forget mommy and daddy are rich from their emerald mine?
Self made means you don’t come from wealth and don’t have a support system to make you even more rich.
Your brother is a moron.
