FACT: “elderly” is a relative term. A 5-year old considers a 10-year old to be elderly. Therefore everyone is Elderly to someone.
Gonna be the obligatory cringy guy that splits hairs and completely misses the point of your joke: “Elderly” is in relation to the typical lifespans of your species, not relative to an individual. A 5-year old considers a 10-year old to be an elder, not elderly, unless they’re sparrows in which case the ten year old is indeed elderly.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, turn your eyes for a moment to this child. Yes, to this 5-year-old child here before us sitting innocent, wide-eyed, hopeful of the world and their place in it. (No, Junior, you can’t see your mommy yet, first these people need to figure something out.) Now I ask you the following, and think this over carefully. Do you really want to tell this child – cover your ears, Junior – do you REALLY want to tell this child: “No! your opinion doesn’t matter!” Do you really want to tell this child: “YOU don’t matter!” Do you really want to tell this child: “You have NO IDEA what is elderly and what isn’t!” (Don’t worry Junior, I’m not mad, I’m just making sure there aren’t any bad people here who are going to hurt you. Don’t cry Junior, I’m sure they’ll do the right thing.) Because if you say – if you claim, fancifully and without foundation – that the term “elderly” is NOT relative, THEN YOU ARE HURTING THIS INNOCENT CHILD.
Now, I know you are not like that. I know you are good, decent, community-spirited people. And things can get a little abstract here, with talk about what words mean philosophically and how they came to mean that historically. But as you deliberate, I want you to keep Junior’s hopeful, worried little face in your minds. Because that’s what’s at stake right now.
So please, for the sake of this innocent 5-year-old child, remember: the term “elderly” is relative to individuals. Thank you, and god bless.
Gonna be the obligatory cringy guy that splits hairs and completely misses the point of your joke: “Elderly” is in relation to the typical lifespans of your species, not relative to an individual. A 5-year old considers a 10-year old to be an elder, not elderly, unless they’re sparrows in which case the ten year old is indeed elderly.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, turn your eyes for a moment to this child. Yes, to this 5-year-old child here before us sitting innocent, wide-eyed, hopeful of the world and their place in it. (No, Junior, you can’t see your mommy yet, first these people need to figure something out.) Now I ask you the following, and think this over carefully. Do you really want to tell this child – cover your ears, Junior – do you REALLY want to tell this child: “No! your opinion doesn’t matter!” Do you really want to tell this child: “YOU don’t matter!” Do you really want to tell this child: “You have NO IDEA what is elderly and what isn’t!” (Don’t worry Junior, I’m not mad, I’m just making sure there aren’t any bad people here who are going to hurt you. Don’t cry Junior, I’m sure they’ll do the right thing.) Because if you say – if you claim, fancifully and without foundation – that the term “elderly” is NOT relative, THEN YOU ARE HURTING THIS INNOCENT CHILD.
Now, I know you are not like that. I know you are good, decent, community-spirited people. And things can get a little abstract here, with talk about what words mean philosophically and how they came to mean that historically. But as you deliberate, I want you to keep Junior’s hopeful, worried little face in your minds. Because that’s what’s at stake right now.
So please, for the sake of this innocent 5-year-old child, remember: the term “elderly” is relative to individuals. Thank you, and god bless.