We have decided some brain quirks are disorders (and get accommodations, as is compassionate), whilst others are flaws (and get slurs). But no one picks their hardware. You cannot earn a better prefrontal cortex or deserve a calmer amygdala. Nor does one get to pick the environment they are born in, which will inform their choices later in life. Even the capacity to “learn better” is a roll of the dice, some brains start the race with sprinting shoes, others with lead weights.
So when we call someone stupid, lazy or insane we are not describing a choice, but simply announcing which kinds of unlucky we’ve decided are worthy of scorn.
I haven’t had them in a while to be fair, and it was mostly a sideffect of stress elsewhere, like high school. I did however remember middle school, where after a near-death experience I coped for a while by bothering classmates with similiarly overly dramatic sentences like “You don’t know death as I do”, even if they weren’t nearly as well thought out. It may have ended up well, especially if all the philosophizing taught me to cope after that (we’ll see), but clearly meeting a psychiatrist would’ve been safer.
Glad to hear you’re doing better. And near death experience as a teen sounds like a lot, especially if you didn’t get appropriate support after. But philosophizing isn’t the worst thing you could’ve done, in fact please keep doing that. Crash Course to Philosophy is a nice and engaging starting point if you’re interested.
If it is within your means, no reason to not go see a psychiatrist now if you feel there’s something unresolved there. I realize that’s a slightly privileged invitation these days though.
My snarky recommendation of a psychologist was rude itself, so it’s fair. Though meeting those is way easier than a good psychiatrist from my and especially friends’ experiences. I personally seem stable, thank you.