Clarification:

For example, I once heard a story about how a guy about 17 years old was dating his teacher who had a twelve-year-old daughter, and I heard they got married and had another child.

  • CerebralHawks@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    3·
    7 hours ago

    “Sweet Home Alabama” jokes aside, if you mean “someone else’s mother,” it means you have a step-child.

    If you’re (I know, not you, OP, but rather, the person you heard about) 17 and dating an adult who has a 12-year-old daughter, that’s gonna cause some friction because the age range is so close there. She’s not gonna be a stepdaughter, she’s gonna be more like a stepsister. She’s not gonna see a teenage boy as a father figure. She might even try to kiss him to get between them (or because she’s curious). Yeah, it’s not something you wanna think about it, but you can bet she’s thought of it.

    Any time you date someone with a kid, regardless of the age gap between the two people dating, or the gap between the non-parent and their dating partner’s child, the first thing to note is that the child will always come first in priority in their parent’s life. If not, they’re not a good parent, and won’t make a good partner, either. Specifically referring to people who date abusive partners, and look the other way when that person abuses their child — or blames the child, or accuses the child of initiating the abuse.

    But assuming everyone is good and acting in good faith, even though it’s not “your” kid, if you have long-term plans with the kid’s mum, you have to plan on that being your kid as well. If you’re not ready to sign papers and adopt that child as your own, you really have no business sleeping with his or her mum. You should be honest that this isn’t long-term and you’re not ready to commit to having a family and be honest that way. You can still hook up with the mum. You can even be friends with the kid. But don’t string the mum along, and don’t give the kid false hope that they can trust another adult if they can’t.

    And regarding having another child, never put the child you have together over the child your partner already had. If the previous child says “of course you love them more, they’re your child,” you have to reassure them somehow that they’re your child as well and you’ll always be there for them regardless of blood relation.