I lost a relative recently and I’ve been struggling with the grieving aspect. I haven’t cried or gotten visceral anger. I’m mostly just generally unpleasant right now. Impatient, easily annoyed and lack energy. Part of it is the cognitive dissonance associated. The individual was complicated, more good in the world overall, but, undeniably a lot of bad too.
You’re already dealing with grief, and you’re doing it in your own way. Know that it will pass. Some people break down, some people are just more vulnerable for a time, some people don’t give a f, some others pretend they don’t give a f and break down in private, some others don’t care, etc.
All you have to do if you have an outburst is to stay conscious of your context and maybe explore the roots of your feeling. It boils down to asking yourself “why”. Being confronted to our mortality always has an impact, and may the conclusion of our experiences inspire us to enjoy life and what/who’s in it a little more. Be patient and kind to yourself and others. Talk with them if that is possible. Some good can come out of it.