To be determined. I probably would have been better off if I was an only child. Maybe better financially planned, but probably not. My folks lack that depth and responsible mindset due to cult like religious dogma. I fully anticipate being homeless within a decade at most. I’ll likely end up immobile as my back continues to degrade. I doubt my sister will do anything. We have not even spoken in nearly a decade. She refuses to process the complexities of disability which is reflective of her lack of logical depth. Anyone that fails to understand that a broken neck and back is an injury people do not just bounce back from, is someone too stupid for me to care. A person with two bits of dichotomous depth cannot be expected to hold 8 bits of nuance. Growth of one’s registers only comes from within. Negative feedback such as guilt and shaming will never stimulate positive growth. You cannot fix stupid in anyone other than yourself. Only worry about what you are able to change.

Use your curiosity to bootstrap yourself out of blame and dwelling on things you cannot change. You are valid for being hurt. Trauma is like a deep wound. Learning to navigate around it is hard. If you are not careful, you may be stuck in a state of shock that leads to nowhere. Nothing will make the wound go away, but you are capable of coming to terms with the past and living with the scar. Over a very long time you may find that even scars mostly fade away.