I’m in my late 20s. In the last years, I’ve moved a few times and tried out a bunch of things. And discovered I have a hard time getting close to people.

I used to think I just need to go out more. But I found out that most people I meet just don’t seem to “fit” with me.

Let’s say I meet some interesting people, who are funny, smart and have shared interests with me. We make a bit of small talk, hang out, and then I go home exhausted, feeling like I just came out of a work meeting that should have been an email. And given from how they rarely invite me back, I guess the feeling is mutual.

Someone told me I am quite cold towards people I don’t know well. Part of that might be that my usual way of talking is a bit emotionless. Another part could be a consequence of me basically going through the script in my head. “How is work these days? Cool. Yeah, me too. Yup.” I don’t want to be this way. But I also don’t want to go into full sales presentation mode, because that feels really wrong.

I used to think I would just become misanthropic. But there are people where I just click with. Talking to them is not a chore, but something I look forward to. And they seem to enjoy my company as well. Some events seem to have a lot more of “my people”, some less.

If you read my rambling until here, thanks. I genuinely don’t know any more. Am I becoming the old sod sitting on his porch yelling at kids? Or am I just spending time on the wrong people? Have you experienced something similar? And how could I change this?

  • venotic@kbin.melroy.org
    2·
    16 hours ago

    Finding friends becomes harder the older you get, so you still have time and youth on your side. However, do not write off on the ability of going out more, this is still a thing you have to do, to get anyone at all. You can make online friends for sure, but they’re still people on lists, behind screens and hundreds to thousands of miles away from you. You won’t get to them unless you build healthy savings and arrange things.

    Your key is hobbies, what do you do? What do you like? There’s a community out there for everything. Finding friends is a lot of wheeling and dealing, don’t be too hard on yourself for not finding too much to be compatible with someone over. You never know if you’re dodging a bullet because the worst thing than just being or feeling alone, is wasting time on the wrong people.