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Just tell them the truth instead of making up easily solvable excuses.
This. My partner (love) used to use all these excuses with her friends out of guilt for not having a “good reason” for not wanting to go to something… ohhh what a tangled web we weave I’d say as she left a fib for why she couldn’t go out to a concert after working two weeks straight. Invariably she’d go for a casual walk with another friend and get caught in her web of lies after someone saw her.
A minor faux pas, but so much stress just to avoid admitting you don’t feel like it.
Anyway she’s much better now. I’d like to think some of that is my being a radically honest judgemental misanthrope rubbing off on her.
She has like several of orders of magnitude more really good friends than me though, so I could definitely benefit from letting some of her rub off on me, too.
The thing to remember about having more friends is that that lifestyle requires maintenance. It’s not enough to make friendships, you have to constantly put in work to keep them.
I used to feel jealous of people with lots of friends. But I realized through the years that I simply don’t have the social energy to keep up with “lots” of friends. A smaller circle with deeper connections makes more sense for me, and I’ve come to accept and embrace that.
This is the way. Life gets so much easier when you live by honesty and surround yourself with others who also live by it.
Sometimes I cancel plans with a simple, “Hey, I had a long day and I’m pretty sapped for social energy right now. Could we do something tomorrow/on the weekend/next week instead?”
People who get it, get it. People who don’t get it, aren’t people I’d likely hang out with in the first place.
Plz I just want to stay home with my cat! 😂
That sounds like a lovely night. Can I borrow your cat?
Just show up with his fav food (french fries) and he’ll ditch me faster than a cat spotting a cucumber 🤣
hi i want to stay at home with your cat as well, i’ll bring chicken nuggets (mostly for the cat but you can have one)
He’ll give me the death stare if he see me eat one 😂
If you don’t want to do something, don’t make excuses. You are setting yourself up for problems, being taken advantage of, and making enemies out of your friends.
I know socializing is getting harder and harder, so use this as a newbie-zone, level-1 exercise in having a little self-worth. Just say “No I don’t want to go, it’s not something I’m interested in.”
And learn to just let that sit out there. If you have people who are going to interrogate you and try to push you into doing something you clearly said you don’t want to do, they’re not being friends, they’re trying to use you for something.
Now all that said, don’t be anti-social. If there’s no reason not to go, if you just aren’t feeling it, get off your ass and go. Stop making up excuses for why you’re avoiding other people, you are getting stuck in a cycle of avoiding human interaction, becoming depressed as a result, which makes you want to avoid human interaction. Sometimes you have to force it back on track. Put effort in and life will pay off more. Stop sitting and ruminating, your brain will become your own worst enemy.
As a misanthrope I feel this so strongly.
This is also why I’ve stopped giving excuses and just say I’m not feeling like it. You can’t really argue with feelings—not by solutionizing, anyway.
As someone on the other side of this, I know you don’t want to come, but it would be good for you to get out. So I will keep solving your problems. Unless you give a firm “No”, I will keep playing this game.
