• 0 Posts
  • 19 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: September 7th, 2023

help-circle
  • Eh, I used to feel like that when I was younger. I was a pretty solid bassist, and was good enough that the people I played with at least considered me the best player they knew. It was my thing. It was what I did.

    Of course, that meant I’d get all insecure and threatened when someone else claimed to be good at doing what I did. That meant I’d want to show off, because, no, no. This is my thing. This is what I do.

    It’s not a good way to be. Maybe don’t be like that if you can avoid it.

    It also meant I started stagnating, 'cause I didn’t think I had anything left to learn. I wasn’t good enough to be inventive, but I didn’t want to accept that I wasn’t good enough to be inventive. So, I just got frustrated and bored, and I started losing interest.

    After a while, I came across Thundercat, and got a bit humbled. Then, I came across Charles Berthoud and some other YouTube bassists, and got even more humbled.

    It was awesome! I was finally reminded that there was so much more to learn, and so much more room for me to grow at the thing I loved. I may never be good enough to innovate or invent a technique of my own, but so what? Being the best seems so frustrating and boring. Screw that.

    As long as there’s someone better than me at the thing I love, then I know there’s more for me to learn, and learning is way more satisfying.

    (But don’t lose the sense of healthy competition. Few things help you grow better than a good rivalry)




  • I’d really like to know what it’s like to be normal. Like, to be able to look and my life and say, “wow! I’m a perfectly functional, capable adult with a stable life. That’s great.”

    Mostly, I guess I mean having a neurotypical brain, but I don’t know if that’s a hard requirement. I’d like to be able to socialize properly. I’d like to be able to go out and engage with people without my social battery being dead within 10 minutes, or without my anxiety of other people scaring me off from the thought of interacting with a stranger altogether.

    I’d like to live somewhere with things to do and a way to easily access those things. I’d like to live somewhere where I’m not terrified to go outside, because it would mean having to risk my life behind the wheel of a car, or pay a ton of money I don’t have for a stranger to drive me where I want to go. I’d like to be able to fearlessly walk out my door and explore the world around me instead of hiding from it.

    I’d like to know how to be able to do the things you’re supposed to do to have a full, well-adjusted life. I’d like to be able to live that life without having to combat a mountain of anxiety before every meeting or appointment. Logically, I know things will be fine, but when every other part of my brain screams that everything will go catastrophically wrong, it’s hard to ignore. I’d like to not shake, or be nauseous, or feel like I’m gonna shit my guts out before every little thing I have to do that isn’t sitting at home. I’d like to just be able to go do those things, and not worry about it.

    I don’t know. There’s probably more, but these are what I can think of for right now.

    When I was a kid, all the way up to when I was a young adult, I used to adore being quirky and unique. It was my identity, and I loved it about myself. I just wasn’t tired yet.

    I turn 33 next month, and, honestly, all I want is to be normal.






  • Not only that, but if you have no choice but to buy a car with internet connectivity, these are supposed to be the kind of bells and whistles they give to at least make it SEEM like you’re not being completely taken advantage of. It’s like a double-dip. “We’re giving your car connectivity so we can sell your telemetry, AND we get to charge you for all the useful features, too!”

    If it costs SO much to maintain these services, cool. I’d be happy to save the poor little car manufacturers money by buying a model that uses no connectivity whatsoever. But, for some reason, they don’t seem to want to offer that. Gee, I wonder why.

    Demand more out of them, because they’ll always be looking to get more out of you.