But what about shareholders?

Police? I would like to report a murder. Yes, I’ll hold.

Just one is all you need, really

Only on the fourth ejaculation, which implies the person can fully pass as a native English speaker, but if they get too excited (or drunk) the Spanish slips in.

UPDATE: so the found amount was $160. we ended up making a vague poster saying “valuable found in area. Send description to email below”. We waited a few days and got an email from a guy saying they lost $40 in the area. We waited a few more days and then the kids offered to give $40 from their find to the random guy as a good deed and we agreed they could keep the rest.

UPDATE TO UPDATE: I coordinated to meet with the guy (I didn’t want the kids meeting with a random guy), but the guy didn’t show up, so I gave the kids their $40 too

You’re supposed to stay in your seat during take off and landing. Please, remain in your seat. Why do you keep getting out of your seat and silently scream at the babies?!

Big if true

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Damn, there is still one god active. Whatever you do, don’t

The real romance story is always in the comments.

Pro-tip: three or more cats are called a clowder. the more you know

Old phones stay hydrated.

I AM A SURGEON DOCTOR HAN.

Where’s the beef?!

Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?

Robbie: No, sir, I have no experience but I’m a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I’d like to put more in that jar. That’s where you come in.

macro imagine

what about micro pene?

Beans, bean, the magical fruit, The more you eat, the more you toot, So eat your beans and have a good meal, And remember to fart after every meal.

That’s my regional variation.

I hope he learned his lesson: “no good deed goes unpunished”

His death has had quite the… impact.

YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH! -sunglasses-

Aaaaeeeeyyyyy-ooohhhhh!

Being Canadian is, like, a state of mind, eh. Welcome