Down to da beeaach I’m strollin’!

https://youtu.be/U9t-slLl30E?

Years back when I worked for Kmart, there was some sort of large Samsung Galaxy tablet advertised as a Black Friday front-page exclusive for only $40. As you can imagine, people were ready to kick the fucking doors down to get their hands on those, because anyone dumb enough to participate in the Black Friday madness is definitely too dumb to know why 1gb non-expandable storage is next to fucking worthless. Not to mention they had the weakest hardware imaginable, with a whopping 1.5 MP camera.

Black Friday is such a cheap illusion.

The number gets higher and higher every time a console dweeb makes the argument that they’re not constantly fucking themselves.

It’s a nice one, too. It makes the room feel like it’s full of music. Presidents only get the best braiders.

I don’t know if this will age like my previous belief that PS1 had photo-realistic graphics, but I feel like 4k is the peak for TVs. I recently bought a 65" 4k TV and not only is it the clearest image I’ve ever seen, but it takes up a good chunk of my livingroom. Any larger would just look ridiculous.

Unless the average person starts using abandoned cathedrals as their livingrooms, I don’t see how larger TVs with even higher definition would even be practical. Especially if you consider we already have 8k for those who do use cathedral entertainment systems.

Well, you could always move to DC. I hear that runny orange cum dribbles freely down the chins of the proud Republicans there.

I just have a massive list of movies and shows I want to watch, and I run it by my wife. She usually just tells me to pick one. Then the burden is mine again.

It is kind of wild. Some dudes have small dicks, big dicks, egg-shaped dicks… Stinky dicks with moles on them… Fat dicks with freckles… Dicks that look like sad elephants… Dicks that look like Shar Peis…

Then you have big vaginas, small vaginas, long vaginas, sleeve of wizard vaginas, jutting serrated-looking labia vaginas, wise old horse-like vaginas, cauliflower vaginas, meat pile vaginas, vaginas that look like Shar Peis…

And any of these… And I mean any of them… can be on the hottest person you’ve seen in your life. It’s like opening a Kinder Egg. Drop in a coin, pull the lever, and see what surprises await you in the dankest, steamiest, most razor-burnt region inside of your new partner’s pants.

I wish I could partake in nap culture, but I always wake up feeling like I’ve been ripped from the goddamn afterlife. Always worse than before. My wife and I just spent two grueling sleepless nights in the postpartum ward, and after returning home today she encouraged me to have a 1-hour nap. I obliged and woke up so fucking brain-sick out of sorts that I could barely interact with my surroundings for the first 30 minutes.

Same. 7-3:30 most days. Some an hour or two earlier. I always crash out after lunch, or guaranteed by 1:30. At that point I’m just walking around trying to find shit to do.

I don’t know that this even counts, but one of the most strange but wildly interesting things I used to do years back was randomly exploring defunct teleporters in Habbo Hotel.

For those who don’t know about teleporters/teles in Habbo Hotel, there are probably tens of thousands of pairs of teleports that exist in the game, each of them connecting only to its pair. Since trading furniture is pretty much a currency in Habbo, a lot of individual teleporters get traded off or lost throughout the years, and often end up being parked in random rooms and vast furniture junkyards.

So I would often lay down several random teles from my inventory, or enter my own furniture junkyard, and try every tele in there until I got a live one. This would Bill & Ted me to fuck knows where. If I’m unlucky, it’s just a dead end room. If I’m lucky, it’s a room with even more teles. That’s where the rabbit hole begins. Pretty soon you’re ten teles deep into the weirdest, most liminal Back Rooms spaces you can imagine. Sometimes you even find a back door into other players’ private rooms and get to explore like a cat burglar. The sky was the limit.

I haven’t logged in for a decade or more, but I still miss doing that sometimes.

I included the best pic I could find online of what a tele goldmine looked like, except there would typically be a wide variety of styles and not all portapotties like these.

Are you talking Australian Kmart or North American? In North America it was minimum wage for the vast majority of workers and zero benefits. I only made $11 USD (my store went under in 2016) as a supervisor with keys to the store and the safe, so it was a pretty shit arrangement. But it was a good stepping stone that got me into managing within the grocery industry, where I’m making significantly more for much more palatable work.

As a former PM Supervisor at Kmart, I think I just got mildly triggered by the K-Mart’s store closing part. That liquidation process was hands down the most monumentally stressful and hellish period of my life. Fuck that company and everyone who turned up to plunder it.

Thanks for letting me know what that sounded like. Next time I’ll add an /s at the end so that the dim individuals among us (not you, of course…) can more easily recognize humor on a sub that’s devoted to it.

Those are valid observations. My bet is on a juvenile Great Blue Heron.

Damn… Sandhill Cranes and corn fields really bring me 2,000 miles back home.

(On closer inspection, that may actually be a heron. Can we get a ruling on this one?)

Sometimes you just don’t have time. Like, brother… Come on… I’m almost 40. It’s not as easy to jackhammer my wife at the perfect angle for 25 straight minutes anymore. It’s better for everyone, her included, if she helps rub that shit out and we can both be asleep by 10pm. We have work tomorrow, and you know our daughter’s going to come pitter-pattering in here at 4:30am to say she’s hungry because she couldn’t be fucked to eat more than two beans and a half a chicken tender the night prior.

It has to be ego. I set my ego aside constantly and try to be open minded, and I am very open minded, but sometimes in privacy it’s just so goddamn big for no fucking reason… Like when rehashing a 10-year-old argument in the shower.

There are a few new missing persons reports on (what were) the last twelve remaining good people on the planet. The rest of us are down here jacking off in the bathroom with the fan on because parenthood has made it increasingly difficult (and way too risky) to do it in front of a computer.