phone rings, main character picks it up

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.” - MC

“Uhh, I’m just calling about your extended car warranty…” - poor bastard

Hey gogle, how to piracy?

In the end, isn’t that the real treasure?

Wait, really? My whole life is a lie.

Here’s some really profound writing you might enjoy, really brings a tear to the eye.

“In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very unhappy and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”;

Still doesn’t work.

Jesus Christ.

That’s a big seahorse.

The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it the crispness in the air.

The American dream.

“As long as it happens to them, I’m okay with it!” - white Americans

Reminds me of a King of the Hill quote:

Hank: [Presses his tongs into the steak cooking on the grill] Firm but with a little give. Yup, these are medium-rare.

Bobby: What if somebody wants theirs well-done?

Hank: We ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave.

I, too, have been too excited to post to bother reading the comments. Happens to everyone.

Conan the barbarian paraphrasing ghengis khan.

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!

A wizard did it.

It’s the implication.

Never trust a fart.

The future is now old man! - Mantaur

sharpening an axe

Turns out, I’m 25% Scandinavian, and wanted to embrace my heritage, ya know? I always used to feel guilty about this, but I was just born this way.

The poor priest: oh lawd.