I have a better assistant for my home. It’s called me.

When I get home from work, I don’t rely on some app to open my door. I use my hands, and unlock the door with my keys.

When I want to know how much juice is left in the fridge, I walk my ass to the fridge and check myself.

When I want to set the house on fire to committ insurance fraud, I walk down to the gas station, fill my cannister myself, and come back home and pour it everywhere myself. No app needed!

People are SO dependant on technology these days! Jeez!

Step one, put it in my hand.

Step two, take this $3.50 in all pennies. Those are valuable. They fon’t even make those pennies anymore, and thats 350 of them! All for you! Honestly, you’re making out on this deal.

Step three, …

as heard in the distance

…sucker!!!

If I used discord, they would assume I’m 7 years old.

goes back to sitting on the living room floor, and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while eating cereal with gummy bears added in

Jokes on you, discord! I’m 42!

2011? Retro??? No…that’s only…15 years??? That cannot be right! Am I dumb at math? Hold on let me get a calculator…

…this calculator lies, and is making me feel old!

The garden hose? Maaaan, it’s like 16 degrees outside! I want HOT water on my balls, because my balls are hot!

You never heard that 1940s classic musical, “Running in the rain”?

I’m running in the rain, just running in the rain! What a horrible feeling, suffering in pain!

I vote for this guy for president.

I grew up with certain words meaning certain things. Then I get older, and suddenly, those words are gone, new words exist, old words mean new things, medical terms are now no longer medical terms and just purely an insult derived from a definition that didn’t used to define the root word. Pluto isn’t a planet. Instead of 9 planets, there are now an unknown number at least in the thousands. There’s like 4 other Earths.

Language shouldn’t change over time. It can adapt, but I should know that grass is green. Not grass is plubertatude. A word I just made up for the demonstration of absurdity. Nothing wrong with grass being green.

This is the way.

ties a string to your string, and a can at the other end

Now we’re having a three way!

Libraries are usually free.

You…need to stop making me feel old.

Who’s shade?

Depends which angle the sun hits it at.

I’m 42. It’s taken to right now in this very moment to realize that I guess technically pills are eaten.

I never thought about that before.

The question always struck me as dumb. Because it doesn’t make any attempt to clarify what geographic region this question takes place.

I don’t care what you’re afraid of a man doing, a polar bear is ALWAYS the worse choice.

But not all bears are as aggressive as polar bears. Some bears will run away from you if you chase them. Some bears will end you if you chase them.

Of coarse you can’t determine how dangerous a man is based on region. But you can likely determine which regions have dangerous bears.

Yep! I got a nice one. It’s 10+ years old now, but I got a new bulb in the box, waiting for my current bulb (which IS dying) to finally go.

Love it. It even does 3D and came with 2 pairs of glasses.

cries

They get born with I think 8 (gotta give my memory some slack. I’m old, and it was 20+ years ago). Then 6 die, leaving you with 2. Then they fight, and mate, and 1 dies.

But the last one should stay alive, and evolve.

No! That’s futuristic tech!

I bought lifetime subscription 10+ years ago. It still updates the guide, but they stopped selling hardware.

Which is a shame. I like Tivo.

They don’t control my tivo recordings.

Which is why everyone should oppose ATSC 3.0.

With ATSC 3.0, TV stations can literally insert ads overlayed on screen at any point.

They can use your tv’s smart functions to literally track your behavior.

They can refuse to allow you to record tv stations entirely, or just kndividual shows.

They can delete shows without your consent. They can block you from watching shows. They can make OTA tv programing pay per view.

I’m not saying they ARE doing this, or are planning it, but they CAN. And if capitalism has taught me anything it’s “fuck you, pay us, and then pay us again, and fuck you again”.

See…humans are stupid. We could all be living in lush rich forests, having sex in bright sunny fields, with no cares in the world.

Instead, we all have jobs, and make ourselves slaves to them. We hand over control of all aspects of our lives to corporations.

Instead of utopia, we live in a parking lot jungle. Where the profits for paid parking are more important than affordable housing, and rent control.

And it all rolls downhill. Even television is trying its hand at enshitification. Don’t buy a smart tv. Don’t buy ATSC 3.0 anything. Tell these fuckers to fuck off!