They’re still a little wobbly but they’re good enough.

This is what drunk dads say about their 1 year old son who’s just learning to walk.

I only have one laptop so my hobbies have to coexist on it.

And yet I see no pornhub sticker…

Didn’t even think of that. Changed it.

Can confirm. As far as my mom in 1998 knew, I didn’t have access to the internet. I needed the password to go on her Earthlink 56k internet account.

I’m 42 now, and my mom STILL thinks I never knew her password.

I’m 42 years old, and still remember it, because of how many times 15 year old me typed that in.

I guess I don’t need to “maintain” that lie anymore. I can’t imagine a scenario where my 70+ year old mother will ask me about that exact situation, or why it would matter today.

Without googling it, I’m going to take a wild guess that was RFK jr.

I’ve lost track of all the various bullshit going on. What exactly was the tylenol thing again?

C’mon now. You seriously think the zombies rise from theie graves on 2nd shift to give blowjobs? Or do you think it happens at midnight?

Yeah. Think before you speak.

Now hang on a second there. We gotta get one thing straight!

…did the duck consent to being sucked?

“What do you MEAN most parents don’t sleep in the same bed as their baby until they’re 35??? That’s crazy talk! Now strip your clothes, and get naked in this bed with me and my parents! I don’t turn 35 for 2 more years!”

That explains some things.

…days not over.

One time, at band camp…I got molested by a red head with a flute.

It would just get lazy, drink all your booze, and tell you to bite his shiny robot ass.

Well now I want MC Hammer to record a song about how you can’t take back all times you licked his butthole.

Maybe it’s a colab with Sir Mix-a-Lot.

I’ve never seen one sleep before. I alwsys assumed it was belly down in a ball. Like a cat.

Ok, great. Now post what each of these names did to be put on these files.

PEDO VOLTRON ASSEMBLE!!!

…uhhh…ew…nevermind. I didn’t realize how gross this was.

“If your last name ends in ‘in’, it’s time to get out.”

takes two off the shelf, and switches the discs

No I won’t tell you which two.

It’s the contact point to connect your butthole cleaner to. You pop a brush head into that, then pop the brush into your butthole, and then spin it.