There are some moments in life in which a sudden self-awareness of happiness hits - a moment in which you step back from yourself and realize that, in that instant, everything is good. A feeling of your consciousness pulling away to make an emotional snapshot of that moment to care for and examine like one would a wounded bird or a nugget of gold.
While I don’t consider my life as a unhappy one, I only have a few of these moments guarded away. The first being at around age 6. My parents were giving me a group hug while we were all singing a family lullaby. My mother was expecting my baby brother at the time and that was the first time the baby’s name was included in the song. I remember feeling detached and floating away while taking in the moment.
The last time I experienced it I had just finished changing the sheets on a new king bed I splurged on after a small windfall. I remember laying on the bedspread and my 2yr old pup hopping on to play around the newly made bed. Instead of ushering him off as I usually did, I just watched him mess up the bedspread.
(I know happiness is not a fixed concept and everyone can have their own definition and experiences, but given my ignorance of the specific word to refer to the instant moment of self-awareness described, I just went with it)
Curious to read your thoughts and experiences.
It’s been a few years. I was rebuilding myself. For context, I used to be a pretty shitty person. People tell me I wasn’t that bad but I hate the person I used to be. I actually felt good about myself for the first time in my life and was happy. Due to a combination of factors I rebounded heavy on the self loathing and depression and have been that way ever since. That was a few years ago.