I never like myself, but today I look much worse than usual, even though I haven’t changed anything, the same makeup, the same clothes, however I look at myself in the mirror and look disgusting, and I don’t know why. I hate that I have to work today, I’m waiting for the working day to end to go home as soon as possible, my mood is so terrible, I don’t want anyone to see my face so damn much. But i just don’t understand what the problem is. When I was in school, I preferred to skip classes on days like this.
Becoming a roadie and riding a bike everywhere for years fixed me feeling like this. I had to get over all of my insecurities being in public in a cycling kit. Being around other people riding and racing, it became my normal. Now… I don’t have to look at me, so why the fuck should I care what anyone thinks. They are used to it or whatever, who cares. I’m more interested in inferring their real intelligence versus narcissistic stupidity based on their responses. Old people are all ugly. “For your age” is just an excuse for it. The vanity is boring. People who are judgmental are just projecting their own inadequacy and internal misery.