I know you asked for women here, so please forgive second hand info and a small bit of personal interjection.

You’re far from the first woman to express that feeling. I’ve heard similar many times, and damn near exactly that a handful of times.

Yes, as folks have said, it’s most often from people that end up being trans or some variety of non binary/agender once they figure out what labels do feel right, but it isn’t exclusively that. There’s some folks that have dissonance with the label not because they aren’t women, but because the label of it carries social baggage that doesn’t match their inner self, rather than womanhood not matching their self.

I’ve had conversations about it because my own sense of masculinity and manhood (not necessarily the same thing) often didn’t fit external concepts, leading to friction. Something as minor as having long hair was enough to cause social friction that made my journey as a boy becoming a man rockier than it should have been.

What I’ve had expressed to me by women that are cis, and place themselves on the binary is as much about not being able to integrate what they sense in themselves with external concepts. Even when they fit those external concepts like enjoying makeup, there can be a disconnect so great as to make them wonder if maybe they’re trans simply because the way the world treats women can be so damn wrong. That kind of dissonance needs resolution eventually.

I will say that femininity is no more rigid than masculinity. For the most part, the real defining limit is what the person finds as their own expression of masculinity or femininity. When they find that balance where their own sense of self is no longer dependent on those external concepts and pressures, that’s when real femininity comes into play. A tomboy can be just as feminine as your prototypical “girly girl”. It’s just a different expression of femininity that happens to also match some aspects traditionally labeled as masculine.

Really, when it comes right down to it, we all have to find our own self-labels and balance them with our concepts of masculinity/femininity.

Going back to my personal journey, I discovered that part of my internalized masculinity is wrapped up in being exactly who and what I am, as a man, and to hell with external concepts. I’d be just as masculine, as much a man in high heels and skirt singing Celine Dion because I’m in balance with my masculinity. This was not always the case. The few times I did drag as a bit of fun felt decidedly un masculine because at the time, I’d never had to evaluate how much gender roles and appearances actually mattered to my own sense of self.

So, while you didn’t ask this at all, I would say that if you want to be called a woman, you deserve it, period. Doesn’t really matter if you’re trans, cis, or other, you’re as valid a woman as any other.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to have the goal of internalizing that label in order to be a woman, you don’t. But you can also be very feminine in how you present yourself and not be a woman, and you’d deserve to not be called one either.