We already have obnoxiously “user-friendly” distros that make stupid assumptions we hate like windows does (Ubuntu) but get you out of box and going instantly. This has been solved. You start there, figure out what you hate, then migrate to something more your flavor.

Windows: there are 7 flavors that all taste the same and cost different amounts. Apple: it’s free because it only runs on our machines, which cost more and subsidize the OS development. This is fine because you will never leave, we think you’re going to love it. (Introduces Liquid Glass and wonders where everyone went) BSD: firewalls, PlayStations, and neckbeards. We know what we’re about. Linux: whatever, I don’t care, just wash your hands.