You know, the guy who’s been having that same angry conversation about the same fucking thing he’s been obsessed with for the last 5 years and demands that you take his view while going on long monologues and then immediately interrupting anyone who tries to get a word in edgewise? And then goes into a weeks-long suicidal despair if you try to leave the conversation? Any way to deal with that?
Honestly I’ve never had that issue.
One of my favourite things to do at a holiday get-together is hijack the TV with my MacBook. Most people think Apple stuff only talks to other Apple stuff in the Ecosystem/Walled Garden and that Android is some rebel front against Apple. Most people are also fucking stupid. If I’m on your WiFi and you have a smart TV, best believe I can take that shit over with like two clicks. My family has one of those TVs, I think it’s a Roku? where if you don’t watch anything, it goes to this city skyline screensaver with billboards advertising the streaming services it has? Like there’s a Netflix billboard, there’s a Disney+ one, you might even see one for Apple TV at some point. But it’s just a looping video. When I see that — nobody’s picking something — I pull out the MacBook, find a movie, and cast to it. Nobody questions why the TV did that without anyone touching the remote.
Last time, it was KPop Demon Hunters. Maybe a couple people assumed I had something to do with it, but within minutes, all the kids were occupied with it. By the second or third song, even the adults were singing along (I was playing the Sing-Along version). It was great. Might do it again. I can’t just put on anything. It has to hook a few people, which in turn draws others.
So, distraction.
Also, I sit at the kids’ table. They have far more interesting conversations. And there’s always some kid, almost always a girl, usually one around 7-12, who will tell me I don’t belong there. Like some little Philosopher’s Stone-year Hermione, some little know-it-all. I’ll wait until none of the other adults are looking, and she’ll catch a pea or a carrot slice to the face, look at me, and see my look of “I’ll do it again” on my face. That usually settles it. Once in a while it turns into a food fight, which I never get blamed for because I know when to stop.
We only do these whole-family get-togethers a few times a year. It’s usually a good time. But honestly, by the end of the day I just wanna take my pants off and wind down watching TV (at home I mean, and we don’t have kids so I don’t mean anything weird). Get tired of people after a while. Even the fun ones. But the time I gotta be there? I make it work for me.
Are the vegans taking all the spotlight?
My mom, my aunt, my cousin all get together for coffee, and “why the new iphone sucks” has been a perennial topic. They all have the new swoopy ones, and they all hate 'em. It’s been that way since the non-intuitive gesture change was implemented, so, what; a decade?
Show Sound of Music next time. The oldsters will love it, and the youngsters will see it for the first time, and realize how truly great it is. Peak Julie Andrews, womderful music, Nazis, what’s not to love?
Also excellent is The Princess Bride. At the last family party I went to, the parents kept sneaking away from the dinner table to watch snatches of the movie with all the kids.
Kid’s table is the secret sauce. So much more fun, adults are happy the kids are looked after, and I don’t have to justify why I still don’t have a girlfriend.