Do they try converting their guards and cellmates? Do they get in conflicts with the gangs? How do they adjust from being worshiped to just being another criminal? Or go from being leader of their compound to being put in solitary?
Do they try converting their guards and cellmates? Do they get in conflicts with the gangs? How do they adjust from being worshiped to just being another criminal? Or go from being leader of their compound to being put in solitary?
Yes, questions you know the answer to is a good option, but the way the person answers you can confuse the truth anyway through indirect methods.
Are they making you doubt your own experiences and memories so their story becomes more plausible?
Do they suggest their poor behavior is actually your fault?
Any time you bring up an issue to someone and rather than directly addressing the issue, the person brushes aside the issue to focus on a new topic, especially one that implicates or blames you, that’s a huge red flag signaling manipulation and you should be on guard.
If they keep doing it and you find yourself stuck or trapped in the conversation, maybe admitting guilt you aren’t sure you own or even agreeing with something you know is incorrect, the sooner you leave, physically just walk away from them, and keep walking away, the better.
If you’re getting turned around in a conversation, the longer you let them tell you stories, the more convincing those stories will become and can harm your wellbeing.
damn, I…found myself doing this to someone recently, i thought i was being honest but thinking back on it i wasnt, not entirely. I didnt lie to them but I was clearly trying to use emotional triggers to manipulate them. they probably thought I was crazy and obsessed with them, and so they cut contact with me entirely like any sane woman would do.
the idea this person could now be going around in life looking over their shoulder, worried i’m stalking them is tearing at me
i wanted to apologize to her so she can be at ease but the only way i ccould think of do so would only confirm i’m crazy/stalking them…
all i could figure was a truly heartfelt and 100% honest apology, followed by an explanation (but not justification) for my behavior. been going through alot of shit recently…recovering addict (behavioral, not drugs), and brain finally feels secure enough to start processing a bunch of childhood trauma, every chip into a trauma barrier is triggering acid-flashbacks…been going on for weeks
but even that apology…could only be done via letter to their workplace…which is obviously stalker behavior.
…and i already sent the letter, and not even 30m after sending it did i realize that I should have said more in some areas, less in other areas…and that i really wish i could rewrite it.
thing is, this letter is certified (so i know it gets delivered, our mail system not nearly as reliable as you might think) but…after sending it I realized it might not actually be addressed properly to make it to her anyway. she works out of a big building, and the letter didnt include a floor number or company name, so it should be returned to me as IA unless the mailman for that route really goes the extra mile
Dang, it’s pretty common behavior, unfortunately. I’ve been guilty of it.
You’ve recognized your manipulating behavior; that means you can change it.
It doesn’t sound like you should interact with this woman you’re referring to any more, because an apology may not help her with what’s already happened and being around you at all could upset her more.
But the world is big and keeps going on. You could try to make amends by being supportive and helpful to other people, even those you don’t know yet, counter your negative experiences with positive ones.
Maybe one day after you’re more in control of those manipulative tendencies, the opportunity will come up for you to apologize.
If it doesn’t, it doesn’t, but you can become a positive experience in people’s lives going forward, regardless.
fuck, yeah…too late for that, just edited my post with more info. didnt think you’d respond so quickly
If it goes through, it goes, if it doesn’t it doesn’t.
If you’ve already upset her enough that she’s cut contact, she likely won’t respond either way.
And either way, you can let her get back to her life and try to become a positive experience in other people’s lives going forward.
thankfully they live on other side of country, so we really should never run into each other again unless the fates deem it so.
it was kind of a “girl from highschool i had always wanted to ask out, but never had the confidence to”-scenario. childhood trauma from my time at that school made me remember it, and eventually her, so I looked her up…see how she was doing, noticed she was still single, figured I’d take my shot. let my emotions get the best of me I guess (really got to be cognizant of these acid flashbacks, till the trauma is all worked through)…
Now you know!
You took a shot, didn’t hit it’s done, somewhere in there is something you can use to positive effect in the future.
lol for sure.
like reminding myself i’m almost 30, can’t be approaching woman like a highschooler. been out of the game too long i guess
Yup. Great point.