Want to be evil but too lazy to get out there? Too afraid you might get caught? What if I told you that you could participate in a group effort to kill people? And all you have to do is sit back, enjoy yourself, and burn that energy! Between 2000–2019 studies show approximately 489,000 heat-related deaths occur each year! That’s right! All you need to do to contribute to the death of humans is pump up that global warming! So blast that heater in the winter, your AC in the summer, and eat as much meat as you like! Sure, it might be a bit pricy, but that’s what work is for! And don’t forget the workplace can encourage death too! You can rest easy knowing those old, usless fogeys and those noisy babies will be the first to go with the ensuing heatwaves! If you come into a large chunk of money, consider opening a gas station! There, you can peddle ciggarettes and nicotine, alcohol depending on your state, and don’t forget those sweet, sweet, (corn syrupy sweet!) fountain sodas that contribute towards the obesity epidemic! Plus you get to fuel cars that pump more carbon into the air and support the oil industries that pollute the environment! Remember, there’s always plenty of legal ways to contribute to human deaths! So relax and do your part, and remember, humanity likely won’t kill all life, as it’s rather tenacious. But we can certainly make this planet inhospitable enough that the humans’ll all die off! And that’s the goal!