I don’t think it’s gay or straight. Some bi people are exclusively interested in cis partner. Some bi people are pan. Some trans people are exclusively interested in other trans people. Someone maybe desires cis people and trans men. I think it’s a failure of vocabulary, combined with a great deal of emotional charge and taboo.

Agreed.

Now consider my partner, who is non-binary. Traditional labels of sexuality risks misgendering when applied to non-binary people. I find the terms “androphile” and “gynophile” to be pretty useful, since they don’t encode the gender of the person having the attraction, but even those are pretty limited.

Sure. There’s a double edged sword to creating new words or terms or reaching further into jargon to communicate your identity. By going this route you end up only being able to communicate to others who understand your jargon, and conversely to your goals communicate less effectively to the average person.

However, there are fundamentally two kinds of sexuality: queer and repressed.

What does this mean?